This and That: Random Musings (Burzek)
by Drive all night
Summary: These random little chapters follow on from some of the happenings on the show, what happened after different storylines & some are just based off nothing in particular.
1. Nice View

Sitting at his desk nice and early Adam sipped slowly on his coffee as he stared off into space. The place was empty, which was unusual. Rarely was he the first person in but he couldn't sleep. His whole world had been turned on its ear in the last few months and the past weekend had left him with more questions than answers.

It wasn't that he was regretting it; he had zero regrets on that front. It was probably one of the best weekends he'd had in a long time and that in itself was saying something. How he had let things get so far away from him he didn't know and lying awake in the early hours of this morning bought up too many thoughts, too many questions and he didn't know how to deal with them so he tried to squash them and that led him here.

He fired up his computer and logged into his email. _'What the fuck?'_

He grabbed his phone and called Al _._ "Al, what the fuck. Jin was murdered?"

"Yeah kid."

"When? What?" he was clicking on the news websites but there was nothing.

"Friday night sometime. They found him Saturday morning. Where are you?"

"At work."

"Don't do anything or say anything until I get there."

He threw his phone down on his desk and jumped up to refill his coffee. Coming back out just as Jay arrived. "Did you hear?" he asked.

"Yep."

"What do you know?"

"Nothing man." Jay shrugged out of his jacket and hung it on the back of his chair. "Dawson is on his way now, he can fill us in."

"Dawson? Where's Voight?"

"Ivory Tower."

They spent the whole day trying to deal with the news that Jin, one of their team had been murdered and that their boss was being questioned about what he knew. It took his mind off the fact that he had spent the whole weekend with Kim and now there was no chance of bumping into her. The one time he did venture downstairs he managed to just catch a glimpse of her walking down the main stairs and out he door with her latest partner.

Burgess had checked her phone a dozen times. He had sent her a message early that morning simply wishing her 'Good Morning.' And that was it.

Her partner, Gogan had told her about Jin as they headed to their first job. That would explain why he had been quiet all day. Well that is what she convinced herself anyway. She got the chance to text Ruzek just after lunch. _Heard about Jin? What's going on?_

 _Don't know much yet. Hey, let's catch up later ;)_

 _Absolutely._

 _I think we should christen my place._

 _J_

Kim knocked on his door, feeling nervous and excited all at once. She almost dropped the bottle of wine she was clutching tightly when Adam opened the door and quickly pulled her inside and closed the door never letting go of her hand. "Hi." She wasn't quite sure why she suddenly felt shy and awkward.

"Hi." He leant into her slightly and kissed her softly still holding her hand. "It's nice to see you."

"Hi." She muttered again before biting her bottom lip nervously.

"Are you nervous? Why are you nervous?"

"I don't know." Suddenly Adam grabbed her around the waist and pulled her tight against his body and crushed his mouth to hers, kissing her hard and leaving them both breathless.

"Better?" He asked as he led her further into the room. Kim nodded as she took it all in. It was the first time she had been to his place and wasn't' sure what to expect. It was neat but very sparse. Adam went to grab two glasses for the wine while Kim stood nervously and looked around. She wasn't sure if he'd tidied up because she was coming or that he was always this tidy. Not that there was a lot to mess up, a couch, low table, and a huge TV. It was a small lounge room. Ruzek had disappeared through to the kitchen so she followed into the dining room, which was empty except for a couple of stools by the kitchen bench. The best feature of the room would have to be the large window overlooking Chicago and a small balcony. "Nice view." Kim stood up and looked out the window.

Adam came and stood beside her, handing her a glass a wine. "Yes it is."

"So not the best day at work?" Kim took a sip of her wine feeling the awkwardness creeping back in. "Poor Jin."

"Yeah, it's a bit of a shock. Not much to tell though. They are keeping it all very close to their chests."

Kim took another mouthful of wine before turning to Adam and literally crashed into him. It was the only way she could think of to get rid of her anxiety. All day she had thought about him. The weekend had been incredible and despite his reassurances that it was not just a weekend fling doubt had crept up on her.

He responded to her advance instantly taking the glass from her hand and putting both of them down on the bench and took hold of both her hands and led her towards the bedroom, smiling down at her the whole time.

Kim pulled the t-shirt over his head while he fumbled with the buttons on her shirt. It was nice to feel her skin again, the softness beneath his fingertips as he ran then up her back until he found the clasp of her bra and unhooked it and threw it on the rapidly growing pile of discarded clothes. The thrill of the reconnection of their bodies urging them both on until they were breathless and spent on the crumpled bed. "Can I just remind you that yet again you threw yourself at me." He chuckled as he placed a small kiss behind her ear.

"You get me all discombobulated."

"Discombobulated?" Adam chuckled. "Never heard it put like that before." Kim rolled over to face him, her hand resting lightly on his chest.

"Yes, precisely." She looked at him seriously before bursting out laughing and burying her head in his chest. He squeezed her butt tightly until she squealed.

"Well then, you are welcome to get discombobulated around me anytime."

"Deal."

"You know I had this whole evening planned." Adam propped himself up on some pillows "I bought some take-out, I thought dinner, wine blah blah and then this. You blew my plans."

"Funny. I thought this would be your perfect date."

"Oh it is. I have no complaints but Burgess are you just using me for sex?"

"What if I said yes?"

He chewed on his bottom lip, looking thoughtful for a moment. "Oh okay then." He finally answered with a little shrug before flipping her over onto her back and pressing her down into the mattress with the weight of his body.

She pulled on his shirt and followed him into the kitchen. The growl of her stomach reminded them both that they hadn't eaten yet. Kim pulled up a stool to the bench and reached for her glass of wine while Adam, wearing only his jeans grabbed the food from the fridge and started heating it up. "You know I like the minimalist approach you've got going on."

Adam answered without thinking. "Well I haven't had a chance to replace everything since Wendy cleared out." When he turned back around Kim was staring at the wine in the bottom of her glass. She was trying so hard not to have doubts about what they were doing, everything was crashing around inside her but despite that the magnetism of him was impossible to resist.

"I'm up for a clean start. With everything." He leant over the counter and ran one hand up her arm. "New apartment next week too and I couldn't be happier." Kim looked at him, her huge brown eyes full of worry. "Hey, I 'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable."

Kim brushed it off. "You didn't. Don't worry about it." She took a mouthful of wine and looked back at him smiling. "Well with the amount of furniture here I am guessing it's a bedsit?"

"Ye of little faith." Adam turned back to grab the food from the microwave. "It actually has a wall between the lounge and the bedroom." He signalled with his arms. "Although I think if you lie in bed you will be able to watch me burning the toast."

"Hmmm, sounds appetizing." He slid a plate of Chinese food across the counter. "Like this." She looked from the plate back to Adam who tried to look hurt. He bought his plate of food over and pulled up the other stool so that their knees where touching as they ate. Each moment they spent together was peeling away at another layer, learning something new about each other. Tonight was a robust discussion about Game of Thrones seeing as they were both huge fans.

"Burgess." Adam groaned, rolling over and trying to grab her arm as she scuttled out of bed and started gathering up her clothes. "Where are you going?"

"Home." She pulled on her underwear and skirt. Adam grabbed the shirt from her hands before she could put it on.

"Why are you going home?"

"Because I have an early shift and so do you." She sat on the edge of the bed and rested one hand on his bare thigh.

"Yeah but you don't have to leave yet. You could sleep here for a bit."

"It's late." Kim quickly snatched her shirt back and slipped it on.

He pulled on her arm so that she fell across him. "When will I see you again?"

"Soon, I promise."

Reluctantly he pulled on his jeans and walked her to the door. Before opening it he pulled he pushed her gently against the door and kissed her hard. Kim bought both of her hands to his face. "Good night."

"Wait are you saying good night because you are leaving or good night because you've had a good night."

"Both and quit trying to stall. I gotta go."

"I hope I see you tomorrow. Even if it is the back of you as you walk out the door."

He rested his head against the door once he closed it behind Kim. _Don't think about it he warned himself, just enjoy it. That's all this is right now, two people who were enjoying each other, go with it._

Kim looked at her phone when she got home. Her stomach fluttered a little when she saw she had a message from him.

 _Sleep well_

 _I am regretting leaving already._

 _Come back then._

 _I will see you soon, I promise. Good night._

It would have been easy to give into him and head back over but it was still so confusing. She had so much to lose, her chance at Intelligence perhaps but more than that….her heart. She was in real danger of losing her heart to him.


	2. Valentine's Day

Valentines Day. You couldn't miss it, everywhere you turned it was hitting you in the face. Roses, hearts, expensive dinners, jewellery sales reminding everyone that if you were in a relationship how much you loved your partner was directly related to how much you spent. And if you were alone, well then how depressing was that?

Kim's mind was cast back to last year's Valentines Day. Depressing was one way to put it. She had spent the day alone and miserable having just ended a relationship that she had high hopes for. It followed a familiar pattern, which always ended in bitter disappointment and hurt. However, it seemed it was always her heart that was hurting.

Obviously this year was going to be different…well at least she hoped it would be. However she had always found the forced and faked emphasis on romance somewhat tasteless. If you love someone tell them everyday or any day and show them with your actions.

She liked to think that she told Adam often how much he meant to her, how much she loved him and she liked to leave him with no doubt everyday she possibly could by the things she said and did for him and not just in the bedroom.

It wasn't that she did not like a little bit of romance, but how much did it actually mean on a day when every other person on the planet was told to do exactly the same thing. It could happen, and should happen at anytime, that's what made it romantic; unexpected moments were romantic. Valentines Day was not.

"You and Ruzek got something planned tonight?" Roman interrupted her thoughts. They were having particularly quiet day on the beat. Perhaps having love in the air had chilled everyone out.

"I hope not." She handed him the last half of the doughnut they had being sharing. "Just the usual, probably a drink at Molly's then home."

Roman raised one eyebrow as he took a shoved the last of the donut in his mouth. "Really?" it came out all muffled as he chewed.

Burgess shrugged. "It's not my thing. It's all a bit overblown and tacky."

Adam had gone back and forth about what to do. Sure he hated the full-blown clichéd dinner, roses and champagne festivities of Valentines Day, but from past experiences it was what women wanted. Certainly Wendy loved it all. Kim was different, or at least he thought she was. That worried him somewhat because everyone kept asking him what he was planning and he hadn't planned anything.

He was sitting at his desk, chair pushed back and feet up on the desk eating his lunch. Atwater was the only other person in the room. "We went out on the weekend and had a quiet romantic dinner."

"You?" he laughed. "Quiet and romantic are not two words I would use with you."

"Hey Man, I can be romantic. You'd be surprised, she loves it when I get my romance on."

The dinner had been great. They went back to the restaurant that he had first taken her to when their relationship was still young and they were dating in secret. A little champagne and a walk along the lakefront on the way home had rounded out a perfect night.

And then there were the little things that he did. Opening doors for her, making her coffee in the mornings, even when they weren't going to work together, calling her every night when they were apart just to say goodnight, leaving her favourite cookies in her work bag and of course she still had the photo of their entwined hands that he had given her beside her bed.

They were meeting at Molly's after shift. As a last minute decision he scribbled something down on a piece of paper and shoved it in his wallet. Making a quick stop at home he dropped off some shopping and headed out to the pub.

Kim was already there, with Roman and Atwater and Halstead. They were laughing pretty hard when he arrived. Slipping into the chair next to Kim he kissed her cheek quickly whilst the rest of the table jeered him.

"So this is your idea for Valentine's Day. Ruzek you suck." Halstead offered helpfully. Kim blushed a little. She had made it pretty obvious that she expected nothing.

He slipped something in Kim's back pocket and whispered in her ear. _'Read it later.'_

She rested her hand on her back pocket protectively. Quietly excited about what it was. She tried to ignore it but eventually gave up and slipped away to the bar to buy another round. While waiting she pulled out the small piece of paper and unfolded it.

 _'Everyday I spend with you is beautiful, amazing and sexy. I go to sleep each night excited about the next day because of you. I love you, I adored you yesterday, I adore you today and will adore you tomorrow. A, xxx'_

Kim couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face. She turned to look back at Adam and he was smiling at her. She asked for a napkin and pen and wrote on it. Tucking it in her bra strap she carried the drinks back to the group and then handed Adam the note.

 _'You are everything.'_

"Are we interrupting your hot date?" Roman asked noting the sappy little scene across the table.

"You wish. She was just telling me how hot I am and giving me her number.' Ruzek shot back quickly as Kim playfully slapped his arm.

The group spent the evening laughing about previous failed romantic attempts, mercilessly critiquing the obvious couples in the bar having their Valentine's Day, trying to pick who was on a first date and who were in trouble due to the lameness of choosing Molly's as an option for a romantic night out. Molly's and romance just did not go together.

Adam and Kim skipped out early. "You know they are going to talk about us, right?" Kim reminded him as they walked towards his car.

"Not for the first time I'm sure." He shrugged. Opening the door for Kim before slipping into the driver's seat and leaning over to kiss her softly. "Sad lonely men."

"Thank you for the note."

"I meant every word." He picked up her hand that was resting on his knee and pressed it to his lips. Kim slipped an arm around his shoulder and curled her fingers through the small curls that were forming at the back of his neck. Adam had mentioned that he was in desperate need of a haircut but just didn't have the time to squeeze it in. His mouth curled up at the corners into a sweet smile.

Kim had always loved his smile but lately there seemed to be something else to them, just for her, somehow deeper like his soul was shining through and whenever she saw it her heart just skipped a beat.

When they got back to Adam's place Kim assumed that it wouldn't be long until they were in the bedroom. That part of their relationship was pretty constant, better and deeper but they shared the same level of enthusiasm.

"Happy Valentine's Day Darlin'." He whispered as he pulled her into a tight embrace and kissed her softly. Surprisingly he stepped away and led her towards to sofa before disappearing into the kitchen and pouring them a whiskey. Lately he had convinced Kim to try whiskey and they often shared one after dinner. He loved how she was willing to try things just because he liked them. On the flip side he had done some things that he never thought he would….Yoga, it was surprisingly more intense and fun than he thought.

He brought the drink over; he loved how they shared the same glass, passing it between them wordlessly. "I want to talk to you for a bit." He started nervously. "I wasn't sure what to do about today. Everyone was telling me that I needed to go big; you know the whole shebang. Something told me that wasn't you, that wasn't us and what we have become."

"The letter and this…." she squeezed his hand. "…is perfect."

"Are you sure? You didn't want the whole shebang?"

"This is the whole shebang. I got you something though." She leapt up from the sofa and grabbed her bag. Inside she pulled out a large jar filled with Pop sticks. He looked at it quizzically. Tied to the lid there was a note. _'Let's see what the future brings.'_

Kim stopped him from opening the lid so she could explain what it meant. "Inside there are pop sticks with a task written on it. The blue ones are for you meaning it is something you need to do and the pink are for me. Each week we take it in turns to pull out a stick and we have to complete whatever it says. I have no idea what's in there, I didn't write them. Josie organised it for me." She looked at him nervously. "Do you like it?"

He threw his head back and laughed. "I think I might just love you a little more."

Kim swallowed the last of the whiskey in one go and leant in for a kiss and he could taste the remnants of the warm liquid on her lips. The kiss was long and slow and deep. As her body pressed against his the heat rose between them and his heart started to race. Kim suddenly stopped and pulled a pop stick from her pocket. "This is the first one."

"What does it say?" Adam asked eagerly as his hands slipped beneath her shirt and stroked her back.

Kim batted her eyes at him seductively. "It says you are not allowed to touch me." Instantly he removed his hand and grabbed at the stick. "What the fuck?"

It actually said. "Sex is on the menu, but he can't touch you with his hands" Adam groaned dramatically but was definitely keen. This was going to kill him, not being able to touch her with his hands but on the other hand Kim was pretty good at knowing how to blow his mind so he would just have to lie back and let her go despite the fact it was going to be near on impossible. She led him through to the bedroom, slapping his hands away "If you don't behave I will have to use my handcuffs." She warned him before pulling out her police issue cuffs and laying them on the side table.

Adam relented and let her take over, holding his hands tightly behind his head and at times it was hard not touching her because he could spend hours trawling over her body, stroking, touching, massaging, exploring every inch. But then she didn't need any help from him to get them both whipped into frenzy and he loved every minute of it.

When she rested her forehead on his as her breathing returned to normal he could wait no longer and grabbed each side of her face with his hands and bought her in for a soft kiss. "You are the most incredible woman I have ever met. Thank you for being in my life, for being my lover and being my best friend."

"You are surprisingly easy to love."

He heard Kim gasp when she went into the bathroom and he loved the huge smile on her face as she came back and jumped on the bed. "You did that for me?" she squealed.

"I did." Sitting in the bathroom were all her favourite toiletries, her shampoo and conditioner, body wash and lotion, tinted moisturiser and her favourite perfume. All brand new bottles, neatly lined up ready for her. "For one you always look and smell incredible and secondly when you are not here I can still be reminded of you."

"You are adorable, you know that." Kissing him repeatedly "Thank you." She snuggled into his side, effortlessly sinking into his embrace comfortably resting her head on his shoulder. "I think we nailed this Valentine's Day thing."

"Almost."

"You didn't like it?" Kim tilted her head up to look at him as he started running his fingers up and down her arm before edging across her collarbone and tracing a line down her chest.

"Oh, I loved it but now it's my turn."

"Are you going to grab a pop stick?"

He laughed "No, but I know where I want to pop my stick." And Kim squealed as he flipped her over and pinned her to the bed.

Yep, you didn't need flowers, chocolates and expensive gifts to make Valentines Day Special.


	3. Wow! Right?

As they crashed heavily on the bed he momentarily lost contact with her lips and in that brief moment a thought, his first since she had launched herself at him broke through into his conscious mind. Everything had been a blur since he found himself at her door. He wasn't even sure how he got there. They had spoken briefly at the district and she seemed annoyed with him about the Intelligence Job. The only time Voight had seen them together was at the hospital when her niece was injured. Did he think that just because he hugged her they were fooling around? Perhaps it was his fault?

So he found himself at her door, ready to apologise, for what he wasn't really sure but he was willing to do it because he had missed her. He liked their fledgling friendship and since Wendy left his circle of friends had shrunk substantially. He had kept his distance like Atwater had told him too but seeing her today brought up so many feelings, unresolved and incomplete and now here they were.

Adam had pulled up outside her place and sat in his car and started to doubt what he was doing. He had come straight from work, his adrenaline still running from the shoot out they had been in earlier that afternoon and finding himself exposed and under heavy fire had rattled him slightly. All he could think of once they had headed back and packed away their gear and debriefed was that he didn't want to be alone and he didn't want Kim to be angry at him because at the very least he valued her as a friend.

Being half naked with her within minutes of arriving wasn't what he expected. Sure, if he was honest with himself he hoped that at some point they would be precisely in this position, but not quite so soon and he didn't know if he was ready for it. She looked up at him and he noticed that her bottom lip trembled ever so slightly. She sighed softly and closed her eyes, hiding her confusion from him. "Burgess" he whispered, brushing a lock of hair from her forehead. "Kim" he repeated when she did not look at him. Suddenly her eyes flew open revealing all her fear and vulnerability to him.

"This is not why I came?" Neither of them moved, the heat of their skin pressed together made his heart beat faster. He felt her grip loosen; those fingers that had been grasping him, pulling him in went slack. "Kim" his thumb brushed her cheek. "I have thought about this; hell I even dreamt about this. You here with me, right now. I want it all, but I didn't come here tonight expecting this. It's not why I came." He needed her to know that before this went any further, despite the fact in his own mind he was just as confused.

Kim placed a hand on his bare chest. "Why are you here then?" Her eyes were as steely as her words. Was she willing him to be the first to flinch? He didn't. Suddenly she was aware of the weight of him on top of her, his hips pressed against hers. He may not have come over for this but neither of them could deny where this was going to end. While their heads and hearts were confused, their physical reaction to each other was strong enough to leave little doubt in either mind.

Kim pushed him gently and he rolled to the side. She propped herself up on her elbow, watching him. Adam's eyes were closed but he could feel her scrutiny, he could hear her breathing slowing as the adrenaline of the last few minutes ebbed away.

"Adam, talk to me." She rested her hand on his abdomen as her voice softened. Beneath her fingers she could feel the steady rise and fall of his breathing her fingers felt alive against wiry hair trailing down from his naval to the top of his unbuttoned jeans.

"I never wanted to hurt you and I know that I did. I wanted you to know that." Finally he opened his eyes and met her gaze, it was steady and unwavering. "I tried to distance myself from you for awhile to give us both a chance," he ran his hand across his face wearily "to give me a chance to put everything behind me."

"I hated waiting for you." A breath caught in her throat, she chewed on her bottom lip before finally admitting, "I hated wanting you."

Kim ran her hand up his chest, resting it against his cheek. Her thumb made small circles against the roughness of his unshaven skin. "Burgess." He growled. "Are we ready for this?"

Her hand slipped under the waistband of his jeans and Adam smiled. And she smiled back when she discovered that she could make him almost whimper at her touch.

There were no more thoughts or words as they both lost themselves in the moment. It was their moment, a moment that had being coming for weeks until finally they collided into each other. There was urgency as she clawed at his jeans while he unhooked her bra and took just a brief moment to look her over before lowering his mouth to the skin on her neck and started working his way down. The rough stubble of his chin brushing against the soft skin of her breast made her suck in a sharp breath as she arched her back willing herself to get closer to him. There was not a moment of hesitation for either of them as the rest of their clothes were discarded and the weeks of feeling and thinking and wanting came crashing together.

Kim was curled against him with her head resting on his chest and she was calmed by its steady rise and fall. They hadn't spoken much. With his arm wrapped around her Adam's hand was resting on her hip, the other entwined in hers, their fingers doing a silent dance. Comforting, quiet, reflective.

"Burgess." He pulled her in and kissed the top of her head. She twisted herself around and rested her chin on his shoulder, looking up at him. "Wow, right?"

"Yep" She kissed him quickly. "Did you eat?"

"Burgess, really? I am here; naked" he threw the sheet back. "You are naked." He laughed as he grabbed a handful of her bare ass. "And you want food?"

"You interrupted my dinner." She kissed him again quickly as she climbed over to the edge of the bed. She ferreted around on the floor and grabbed the first thing she could find. She threw on Ruzek's shirt and only found three buttons left. "Sorry about your shirt." Adam chuckled and tried to grab her hand as she scooted out of the room. "You owe me for that."

He stretched out and put his hands behind his head and lay for a moment contemplating what had just happened. He could hear her in the kitchen, opening the fridge and rattling around. He looked around the room. It was small and neat apart from the now messy bed and pile of clothing on the floor, there was nothing else out of place and he was not surprised. He had the impression that Burgess was a bit of a neat freak. There was nothing fancy or pretentious about her place, but that was one of the things that drew him to her, she always just seemed comfortable and effortless and he liked that. He found the bathroom and sorted himself out before pulling on his jeans. He followed the noise and wandered through her lounge room stopping to look at a few photos on a small side table.

Through the doorway he could see Burgess leaning against the sink in the tiny kitchen. He leant on the doorframe. "Hey, you ok?" Kim jumped and let out a little gasp as she turned around to face him.

 _Man, he is gorgeous,_ she thought as a shy smile spread across her face _, totally worth the wait._

With his jeans barely buttoned and his hands shoved into his pockets she almost licked her lips in anticipation for the next round. He looked completely relaxed and if he was having second thoughts he did not show it. The wild hair and stubble made her heart flutter a little. He cocked his head to the side and smiled at the flicker of desire he saw on her face a moment ago that made his heart beat a little harder.

Kim turned away as she suddenly felt uncomfortable staring at him, "No." Adam swallowed hard as his heart thudded in his chest. "This looks like crap" she picked up the saucepan with the pasta looking at it intensely before depositing it in the sink. It didn't look that great to start with and now was dried and curling at the edges. "And there is nothing to eat."

"Let's order in." He shifted his weight slightly, feeling a flood of relief. He resisted the urge to drag her back to bed. Pulling open a drawer she grabbed a handful of take out menus and handed them to him as she pushed past. "Pick something, I'll be back in a sec."

Adam grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back against him. "Hey" Kim turned to face him; cradling his face with both hands as she pushed her body tight against his. Standing on tiptoes she kissed him hard. "I'm still hungry." Adam thumped his head lightly against the doorframe as he watched her as she sauntered away, swinging her hips seductively. "And there is beer in the fridge." She called as she disappeared into her bedroom.

Kim reappeared just as he hung up the phone. "Pizza it is." She had pulled on a pair of yoga pants but was still wearing his shirt and he liked the look of it on her. There was always something completely sexy about a woman in his clothes. Taking a seat on the sofa Kim tucked her legs tucked up beneath her but sat close enough so that Adam could drape an arm across her knees. "Are you cold? Do you want your shirt back?"

"No, I'm good. Looks better on you.". Adam tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I like your place." He didn't want the conversation to get too heavy just yet. They were wrapped up in the afterglow and he didn't want to break the spell.

Kim leant over and closed the lid of the pizza box. As she leant back Ruzek grabbed her hand and pulled her into him, "Satisfied now?" he asked suggestively.

"No." Burgess tilted her head slightly and licked her lips. Adam welcomed her as she straddled his lap, his hands under her shirt feeling the soft skin of her back beneath his fingers. "You know ten minutes ago I thought you looked hot in these clothes, now I am finding them fucking annoying."

"Says the man wearing jeans." She pulled him up off the couch and led him back to the bedroom. Pushing him down on the bed, she tugged at his jeans before peeling off her pants and climbing on top.

Finally they fell asleep, Ruzek curled into her back, exhausted and content.

"Coffee Burgess." He placed a steaming hot cup on the bedside table and kissed her temple. Always an early riser he had already been up and rifled around made himself a cup of coffee, read a magazine left on the table before giving up waiting for Burgess to wake. That girl could sleep through a gunfight. She groaned and stretched before finally opening her eyes to a smiling Ruzek. "Morning sleepy head."

"What time is it?"

"About 8." Burgess groaned again and rolled over. "Why are you awake? Why am I awake? It's Saturday. My day off."

Adam sat on the edge of the bed and scratched his chin looking bemused, sipping his coffee until she rolled back over. "Did you say coffee?" she mumbled before even opening her eyes.

"I did."

Kim pulled up the sheet as she propped herself up against the pillows and gratefully accepted the hot liquid. Adam's shirt was hanging open allowing her to run her eyes over him again. She was glad it wasn't a dream and he was still here and hadn't snuck out while she was sleeping. Adam had been worried that once the heat of the night petered out she would freak out and push him away, but the way she was checking him out alleviated most of his concern.

"How long have you been up? I didn't hear you."

"Burgess you sleep like your dead." He rested his hand on her leg.

"I do, always have." She shrugged, sipping her coffee. "I learnt being a flight attendant to sleep when you can and now being a cop, when my head hits the pillow I am out. Day, night doesn't matter."

"I don't know, you managed to stay awake pretty good last night."

Kim slapped his arm playfully. Suddenly she became serious. "What are we doing here?"

Adam slipped his hand underneath the sheet and run it up her bare leg. "What do you want to do?" he smiled and it melted her heart.

"Let's be serious just for a second." Kim held his wrist to stop its progress up her leg. "You and me? Last night? What is this?"

He knew this had to happen, they needed to have this conversation and he was worried that she was going to pull the pin. He didn't know where this was going, but he knew that it wasn't a one-time thing either, not for him. "Last night was great and I want more nights like that."

"You do?" She almost sounded surprised.

"Burgess, I told you that I did not come here just to sleep with you and I certainly wasn't going to just get up and leave the next morning. I wouldn't do that to you. More than anything you are too good a person to be treated like that. We could have something good here and I want to see where it goes, absolutely."

"What about work? We can't do this…." Her lip trembled slightly and leant in and kissed her lightly enjoying the taste of coffee on her lips.

"I know Voight told you the reason that he gave the job to Atwater was because of what he thought was going on between us, and I know I was partly to blame for that. This is probably not the way to prove him wrong." He leant back to see her reaction; she looked down at the cup in her hand. "But we have to." She couldn't miss the desperation in his voice. "I am willing to keep this between us for now. I can practice my UC skills."

"Adam." He took a deep breath, waiting for her to tell him that it cannot continue. "Are we really going to do this? Keep it a secret? Sneak around?"

"I guess we are."

"That means everywhere, work, Molly's. No-one can know, we have to pretend that we are just friends."

"We are friends Burgess, we have been for awhile." He looked so sincere while Kim was desperately trying not to freak out. "You know what I mean."

"As long as we make up for it when we are alone. I am good with that." Taking the coffee cup from her hand and replacing it on the side table he tugged at the sheet until she relented and exposed her completely naked body. "I knew that uniform was hiding something good, but I never expected it was as good as all this."

He was learning very quickly that despite appearances this woman was no meek and mild wallflower. She knew how to take charge, she knew what she wanted and she definitely knew how to make him give it to her.

Kim peeled herself away from him. He moaned at the sudden loss of contact. "Where you goin'?"

"I need a shower." Adam rolled over as she waltzed away, still completely naked, and watched her leave the room.

"Need me to wash your back?" Kim poked her head back around the door and smiled, beckoning him with one finger. Adam was out of bed in a flash. Kim had turned on the taps and was holding a hand under the steady stream waiting for the water to run hot. Adam started tracing the curve of her spine with one finger and it made her shiver with excitement and anticipation.

As soon as they stepped into the warm stream his hands were all over her. He wanted to touch and feel and explore every inch of her body. Kim moaned softly, enjoying the sensation. "I think I could get used to this."

"Hmm…" he kissed her neck. "You are very addictive."

Kim took her turn at getting to know his body, what he liked and what made him whimper. Her long slow strokes covered his back, chest and stomach, working her way lower until he stiffened and growled her name. She was making him feel things that he had never experienced before. _What better way to spend a Saturday morning?_

The girl had an appetite, which was unusual and he found it strangely appealing. It frustrated him no end when woman obsessed over food, what they could and couldn't eat, complaining that the menu didn't meet their latest fad diet, worried that they had eaten too much and would now get fat. It drove him mad whether it was Wendy or any of their other female friends. Kim seemed happy to eat whatever she wanted and just worked hard at the gym to make up for it and it worked. Her body was insane.

Admitting that while her cooking repertoire was average at best, toast and scrambled eggs was do-able. Adam pulled up a chair in the small kitchen and watched her work away at breakfast, which was actually now more like brunch. She had on a pair of short denim cut-offs and a loose white shirt; with wet hair in a loose bun and with no make up he thought she was just about perfect. More often than not she wore little make-up when at work but he had seen a once or twice at Molly's dressed up and she was pretty spectacular then as well.

"So you cook scrambled eggs for all your conquests?"

"Conquests?" Burgess eyed him curiously. "You make it sound like I seduced you. May I remind you that you showed up at my door un-invited."

"And you jumped me." He slapped her bum playfully as she waved the wooden spoon at him with mock indignation.

"I heard no complaints."

"Nope, I have none." He leant over and ran a hand up her thigh and under the leg of her shorts. "None whatsoever." Kim swiped it away as she giggled. She was floating on cloud nine and it was clearly evident to both of them and she did nothing to hide it.

As they tucked into their food Adam decided that he would need to go home and he liked the little look of disappointment on her face. "Are you going to miss me?" he teased.

"What?" Kim stuttered nervously. "What, No." This was going to be awkward. Saying goodbye and being left then to worry over what was next, how they were going to act when they saw each other again. What if it was at work? What would she say? Panic bubbled up inside her along with her breakfast and she swallowed hard.

"I was thinking I should go home, grab some clean clothes and come back over." Adam did not want to leave, not yet. "If that's okay with you?"

"Sure." The panic subsided a little but the questions remained.

"That should give you a couple of hours to worry and panic and think of a million reasons why this can't work." He ducked as a she threw a corner of her now cold toast at him. Adam grabbed her hand and pulled her closer as he leant in and kissed her softly. "Nothing could keep me away longer than necessary." He felt her smile against his lips. "Trust me. I'll be back in no time and when I do get back I will give you the one reason that we should definitely continue."

Kim leant against the door after she closed it. Adam had kissed her long and hard leaving her a little breathless. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply as the quietness of her apartment enveloped her. It had been a little over 12 hours and her world had been turned upside down. Last night she had arrived home from work, confused and disappointed that she had let her frustrations get the better of her and blamed Adam for her current predicament. Immediately after seeing him at the district she wanted to text him and apologise but something stopped her. She had to stop torturing herself; she had to let it go.

But he had come to her and everything changed in an instant, something primal stirred within her and she had acted on it instead of overthinking it, she didn't think at all. Sure he had come and apologised to her and admitted that he missed her and liked her but she had been the one to make the first real move, launching herself at him and once she got a taste of him there was no going back.

Kim had tried hard not to fantasize about Adam, with little luck and fortunately for her it was as good as she imagined. He was obviously fit and strong, you didn't need to see him shirtless for that but when she literally ripped off his shirt she was a little overwhelmed at the sight of his strong firm chest and arms, luckily he had wrapped her up in his arms and pushed her back onto the bed before she could think.

Having now had time to explore him more fully it made her weak at the knees just thinking about it. _Devine,_ she whispered to herself, finally stepping away from the door and into her empty apartment. Kim looked around the pizza box was still on the table, a couple of beer bottles and her bed was a crumpled mess so he popped on her favourite playlist and busied herself with cleaning up.

Hearing her phone beep with a message she raced to grab it, laughing at herself for acting like a giddy schoolgirl hoping for a message from a boy. It was her sister and she felt a ripple of disappointment. Her sister wanted to catch up over the weekend if she had time. Not really knowing when Kim's shifts were she would leave it up to Kim to pick a time and place. She hated blowing off her sister, especially since Zoe's accident. Spending time with her family was important and she knew better than most that things could change in an instant.

She pondered the message for a moment before deciding to organise Sunday night for dinner with her sister and family. Kim had always promised herself that she wouldn't sit around cut herself off from everyone when she was in a relationship. _'Not that you are in a relationship. It's been one night.'_ She reminded herself _. 'Get a grip.'_

True to his word he came back, changed into black jeans, black t-shirt and a jacket. His hair was in its usual state of chaos. He dropped a small bag to the floor and pushed her up against the door as soon as it was closed. "Hey." He stopped to draw breath.

"Hi." Burgess smiled, her arms wrapped around his neck as his body pressed hard against hers. He had only been gone about two hours and he was obviously excited to be back. "So you didn't change your mind?"

"Absolutely not." He kissed her neck. "I was worried I'd get back and the place would be locked up and you'd be gone." She was so lost in his kisses as he left a trial along her collarbone that she only managed a low moan.

She lifted his t-shirt over his head. "I know what your like with buttons so I thought I wear something you couldn't wreck." Kim chuckled as she buried her head in his chest, breathing in his warm scent. He had obviously showered at home and she took note of the slightly musky cologne as she nuzzled into his neck. She pushed him backwards towards the couch, never breaking contact and shoved him down onto the cushions and climbed onto his lap. Still wearing the cut off shorts his hands crept under the hem and pulled her closer so she could feel how happy he was to be back.

Kim pulled a throw rug off the back of the couch and threw it over them as the lay together comfortably. "So is that going to be how you greet me every time I come over?" Adam was tracing the curve of her spine with one hand, the other tucked behind his head.

"If you are lucky."

"I am feeling lucky." He pressed a kiss to her temple. "Particularly right now."


	4. Merry Christmas Baby

Kim was just finishing up wrapping the last few Christmas presents she needed when her phone rang. Without even looking at the caller ID she knew it would be Adam. "Hey, what you doin'?" He drawled.

"My usual last minute Christmas panic wrapping."

"Don't waste paper on my present. Just a bow on your head will do me." Adam whispered, laughing lightly. He was sitting in a car as the snow fell around him waiting for Al to come back with a coffee. It was a dark cold miserable night and they were watching the house of a suspect. It was cramped, boring and no matter what you did to stay warm the cold seeped in somehow. Added to the fact that him and Al nit-picked at each other like an old married couple. He was grateful when Al offered to grab a coffee from the café on the corner so he could break the monotony by talking to Kim. "So tomorrow night?"

"Yep." Kim mumbled half heartedly as she wrangled with the tape dispenser.

"You coming over?"

"After work." Kim was back on shift tomorrow and she was also working Christmas Day so trying to fit everyone in had been a challenge. Tomorrow night, Christmas Eve she was spending with Adam and it was their first Christmas together and after work, Christmas night she had her family dinner. Adam had his family to deal with all day, lunch with his father and dinner with his mother.

Adam hung up as Al came back. They had been seeing each other for a few months now and it was going well. It was quickly becoming something more, they enjoyed each other's company, had a lot in common and while neither of them was ready to admit to anything deeper it was definitely heading there. "Why do you look so friggin' happy?"

"Its nearly Christmas Al, the most wonderful time of the year." He sang the last part and Al looked at him sideways and rolled his eyes.

He took one more look around his apartment, making sure he had cleaned it up properly. It had been a hectic week and looked like someone had trashed the place. Stopping on the way home he had picked up dinner. Initially he wanted to try and cook something but those plans had been quickly abandoned when they all decided a quick drink at Molly's was needed.

Kim knocked lightly on the door. It was freezing outside and she'd had a long tiring day at work. The day before Christmas had bought all the crazies out and her and Roman had been run off their feet all day. She had headed home, grabbed a quick shower and packed a bag for work tomorrow and quickly did her hair and make-up and pulled on a dress. Giving herself the once over she was pretty impressed with her work, not bad for 15minutes.

"Merry Christmas Baby" he sang as he opened the door. He grabbed the bag from her shoulder as she entered and dropped it to the floor.

Kim leant in for a kiss and shivered a little. "It's a cold one."

"I can tell." he grabbed her scarf and started to unravel it. "You are all rugged up."

"Well lucky for me you are so hot." Snaking an arm around his waist she smiled sweetly as Adam threw his head back and laughed. Kim turned her back as Adam helped her out of her coat and tossed it over the back of the couch.

He let out a long slow whistle. "Merry Christmas to me."

Now he had seen her dressed up before and there was a lot to like but the short red skin-tight dress was something else. It barely reached mid thigh and the deep V-neck left little to the imagination. No wonder she felt cold, the only thing keeping her warm was the coat and the over the knee black leather boots.

"I wore this once to a Christmas party, I was dressed up as Mrs Claus."

"Really?" Adam couldn't hide the surprise in his voice. "And how did that go?"

"Kidding." Kim nudged him playfully. "So, what is for dinner? I am starving."

"You are always starving." Reluctantly Adam headed towards the kitchen and firstly poured her a glass of wine. Kim perched herself up on the kitchen stool and watched him as he moved around the small kitchen. He had obviously just showered, as his hair was still damp and she doubted he had even run his hands through it. He dressed simply in a pair of blue jeans and a white button down shirt. Kim loved him in blue jeans, they fitted him perfectly and the view from behind was pretty damn good.

He placed a plate of cheese and crackers between them for her to nibble on while he heated up the potato bake and pulled pork he had picked up on the way home and popped some bread rolls in the oven to warm through. "So crazy day?"

"Oh yeah. Roman and I barely had time to eat today." She mumbled as she swallowed a mouthful of cheese and washed it down with wine. "What about you?" Jumping down from the stool she came around to his side of the bench rested both hands either side of his hips and leant in close. "I thought about you all day and was so looking forward to tonight. I thought this get up would get you all worked up."

Adam tilted his head sideways and looked at Kim thoughtfully. "I thought you said you were hungry?"

"I am." She slipped her hands under his shirt and dragged her short nails down his back. "How long until dinner?" With her boots on she didn't need to stretch much to capture his bottom lip with her teeth, sucking on it lightly.

Adam groaned when the timer on the oven went off. "Damn Burgess." He growled when she suddenly let him go and sat back down and waited for dinner to be served. "You are a little feisty tonight."

"What can I say, Christmas gets me going." She shrugged, helping herself to another cracker with cheese.

They flirted and teased each other all through dinner but as soon as it was over Adam couldn't wait any longer. He pulled her up out of the chair, placed both hands on her hips and lifted her up so that she wrapped her legs around his waist and carried her to the bed.

He liked that her body was pressed hard against his side. He liked that she was drawing lazy circles around his naval. He liked that her hair was spread out across his shoulder. He just liked having her in his arms, in his bed and in his life.

Lightly running his hand up and down her spine he broke the silence that surrounded them. "What do you love about Christmas?"

Kim kept her hand moving in slow circles. "It was always a big thing in our family. My parents went all out for Amanda and I and dinner was always with the whole family. Aunts, Uncles, Cousin and Grandparents were all there and we got to eat whatever we wanted all day. And my parents always seemed to get me exactly what I wanted." She wiggled around until she could rest her chin on her hand and look up at him. Adam was propped up on a few pillows, his hair messy and wild, just like she liked it and a little stubble on his face made him look impossibly handsome. At times it made her catch her breath. "What's your favourite Christmas memory?"

Adam sighed and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "This one." He smiled sadly, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

"Seriously?"

"One year…" he started slowly. "My parents had just separated so things were pretty rough. I was staying with my Grandmother Polly and she was so worried that I wasn't going to have anything to celebrate. I didn't know where I was going to be living and my parents just argued about where I was spending the day that Grandma Polly just stood up and declared that Christmas was at her place and she went nuts with presents. I think I got a new bike that year. That was the one I remember the most."

"Grandma Polly? Is that who looked after you when you're parents split? How long for?"

"Not long. Just a few weeks at the start but I spent a lot of time there. It was pretty hard when she died."

Kim rested her hand on his cheek and rubbed her thumb back and forth across his cheek. "She sounds wonderful. And I do like this Christmas so far, it's definitely in the Top Ten."

Adam jumped out of bed, pulled on some sweats and a t-shirt and tossing another shirt in her direction he encouraged Kim to do the same. "Come on." He beckoned her with one finger. Back in the lounge room he drew the curtains open and turned off the lights. Grabbing a couple of rugs he pulled her down in front of the windows and wrapped the rugs around them both. "Let's watch it snow." He had also grabbed a bottle of whiskey and a glass for them to share.

In the distance the streets lights were casting a soft glow so that they could see the light flutter of snow. It settled quietly on the trees and the veranda railing. It always seemed so peaceful when it snowed and could make you forget that out there, somewhere shit was happening.

Kim curled up between his legs and he looped one arm around her shoulder and started kissing her hair, cheek and neck. "We should do this more often."

"Every Christmas." The words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them. They hadn't talked about a future yet and she bit her bottom lip nervously wondering if he heard it. Adam grabbed the glass from her hand, brushing her fingers lightly.

He whispered softly in her ear. "Deal."

They settled back into a comfortable silence, the glass of whiskey passing wordlessly between them. Kim eventually was the one who broke the tranquillity when she jumped up suddenly declaring it was "Present time." She was almost giddy with excitement as she skipped over to her long forgotten bag and pulled out a small brightly wrapped box. Kim knelt down in front of him. "Merry Christmas Adam."

Her enthusiasm was infectious although when he started to open the present she chewed her bottom lip nervously. She had bought him a box of cigars, encased in a beautiful wood and leather box and included a clipper and lighter. It wasn't the thing she liked about him the most, his cigar habit but he enjoyed it and she hoped he would like the gift.

He loved it; reaching forward he grabbed her by the back of her neck and pulled her close. "Thank you, it's amazing. I love it." Crashing his lips into hers he hoped that she could tell how much it meant to him that she had got something that was a passion of his even though he knew she didn't really like it.

"Do you like it really?"

"I really like it and I really like you." He repeated. Reaching out and grabbing her hand he tugged it lightly until she fell against him. "I suppose you would like your gift now."

"You don't have to give me anything." Kim rocked back on her heels as Adam pulled himself up off the floor. He disappeared into his bedroom and came back with a store wrapped present.

"Of course I do."

Inside was a pair of beautifully soft long black leather gloves. She held them up against her cheek and inhaled their subtle leather scent. "Oh Adam, they are beautiful." She slipped them on and then ran her hands up and down his arms. "Thank you." Her kiss was soft.

"I might even let you keep them on while we have sex." He cocked his head to the side and smiled cheekily. "Maybe with those boots you arrived in."

Kim leant towards him and paused as he tried to kiss her. She leant past him and grabbed the bottle of whiskey and glass making sure that her body pushed him back against the couch. "That would look ridiculous."

They shared another glass, passing it back and forth while talking more about their families at Christmas. "There was never any presents under the tree on Christmas Eve, so Amanda and I would go to bed trying to stay awake to see if we could hear Santa coming and dropping off all our presents because in the morning they were all there. It was amazing."

"Did you ever stay awake long enough?" Kim crossed her legs and bounced a little as she spoke. He could sense her excitement and he loved it when she started telling stories. They were always wildly entertaining and generally quite interactive.

"Never." Kim chuckled lightly. "As you can imagine I was always first to fall asleep." Adam often teased her about her ability to fall asleep at the drop of a hat and sleep through anything.

"I am going to think about you a lot tomorrow." Adam lamented, as they lay curled up in bed together.

"I am glad we spent tonight together though." Kim mumbled sleepily. The wine, the whiskey, the wild sex and a long day at work catching up with her as her breath evened out and he realised that she was asleep.

Kim groaned at the sound of her alarm. Adam's arm was draped over her waist. He stirred and mumbled something as Kim turned and buried her head into his shoulder. "Morning Babe. Merry Christmas."

Kim kissed his shoulder before pushing herself up. "Merry Christmas." He smiled as she captured his lips in a slow long kiss and they spent a few moments together before Kim reluctantly climbed out of bed and into the shower. She had half and hour to be out the door. By the time she was showered Adam was up and had made her a coffee to go and had a bagel ready. He lingered for as long as possible over a goodbye kiss. "Stay safe and go spread some Christmas Cheer."

They sent a few texts back and forth through the day. Adam keeping her informed on how his day with his family was progressing and the status of his present haul while Kim was regaling him on the Christmas Crazy count and it was getting higher by the hour.

 _'Finally heading to dinner with the family….Final crazy count 14.'_

When she got to her parents house she grabbed a quick shower. Opening her bag in the bathroom, sitting on top of her clothes was a present with a note slipped in the fold. _'Merry Christmas Baby, this is for you to open with the rest of your presents. No cheating.'_

"I guess we are ready for presents now." Her mother rounded everyone up. As they worked their way through the pile of gifts she left the gift from Adam until last. "Who's that from?"

"Secret Santa…." She showed them the card and that is exactly what it said. "We had one a work." She carefully unwrapped the gift. "Oh my." She gasped. He had bought her an early edition of Pride and Prejudice – her favourite book. It was always on her nightstand; no matter what she was currently reading it was her go to book. Occasionally she would catch Adam read a few pages and they had talked about it being her favourite book since the first time she read it and now he had bought her a beautiful copy. Opening the front of the book she was hoping to find a note but there was nothing.

She grabbed her phone _. 'I wish I could show you how much I love present right now.'_

 _'So do I. Glad you like it, by the way I think you have very fine eyes too'_

 _'Very smooth. Mr Darcy.'_

Dinner passed quickly and as always was filled with plenty of food and laughter. She really did love being with her family and did look forward to one day introducing Adam to them. They were almost ready for that but they still were trying to work out how to do it and keep it from everyone at work. It was just too hard at the moment so they pushed it aside.

Amanda watched her sister carefully since she had arrived, from the secret gift to the texting she knew that she had something going on. "So who is he?" Amanda handed her a glass to dry as they were doing the dishes.

"Who is who?"

"Who is the secret Santa that has you all so giddy and happy? I saw the look when you opened that present and the goofy smile with all the text messages and it's not like you've been around much lately."

"Can we not talk about it right now." Kim grabbed the next glass. "It's a little complicated."

"Oh god, please don't tell me he's married or got kids."

"No he doesn't." Kim answered defensively.

"Then what?" she eyed her sister suspiciously trying to figure it out. "You're not seeing Gerry again are you? I thought we'd seen the back of him." Amanda rolled her eyes dramatically.

"No I am not seeing Gerry again. Have a little faith in me please." Getting out of this conversation was harder than she anticipated. No one was coming into the kitchen to save her. "It's just really early and we are just keeping it to ourselves right now. God knows I have jumped in with both feet before and it's hasn't worked out. I want to see where this is going before I expose him to the three hundred questions I know you have." Amanda opened her mouth to protest. "And don't even try to deny it."

"Okay, okay….but soon?"

"Soon I promise."

They had done the dishes and re-joined the rest of the family when Amanda noticed Kim again looking at her phone. Adam had sent her another message. _'My view is not as good as last night.'_ He accompanied it with a photo of the view out onto his balcony with just his feet in the picture and a glass of whiskey.

Amanda encouraged her to leave. "Go and see him. You know you want too. Just tell mum you are tired after work."

She barely gave it a second thought. Stopping at her place quickly she grabbed some clean clothes and got changed and she was out the door within minutes and shortly after was knocking on Adam's door. He was surprised to see her. "Yay." He cheered.

Stepping aside to let her in he tilted his head slightly to take in her appearance. His heart started beating a little quicker hardly daring to hope. Despite being rugged up in her long black coat she was wearing the gloves he had given her and he spied her black boots. "Don't tell me?" he grabbed the collar of her coat and undid the top button. Kim smiled sweetly as Adam peered down beneath her coat. "Oh yes, HO HO HO Merry Christmas to me." Beneath her coat she was wearing absolutely nothing.

As he took a step closer to her Kim stepped back and undid the next button, turning on her heel she walked over to the couch where she spied the empty whiskey glass and filled it up. Taking a mouthful she held out the glass for Adam to take. Smiling he stepped forward, liking the game she was playing brushing his fingers over hers as he grabbed the glass and took a slow mouthful of the whiskey. His eyes never left her face as she undid the next button. Again turning his back to him she headed towards the bedroom while undoing the final few buttons but she was still holding the coat closed when she turned around. Adam was standing in the doorway. "Take it off." He growled.

The coat slipped to the floor leaving her exposed wearing just the gloves and those boots. "Are you just going to stand there gaping like an idiot or what?"

"You know it's like standing at the edge of the water on a hot day. Sometimes you've gotta take a moment to imagine how perfect the water looks before diving in and finding out that it feels as good as it looks." He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor as he closed the distance between them. Kim's grabbed his belt buckle and worked at getting it undone as quickly as possible, not the easiest feat with leather gloves on. "Let me help." Adam removed his own jeans.

"So what made you change your mind about coming over?" Adam was lying with his head on her stomach while she played with his hair. "I thought you were staying at your parents?"

"Pride and Prejudice."

He looked surprised by her answer and when he caught her eye they both laughed. "I underestimated the power of that book. I am not sure Jane Austen had this in mind when she wrote it."

"Okay, maybe not the book as such more the thought behind it." Their hands were doing a silent dance as they often did, their fingers entwining softly.

"I was trying to think of something that when you opened it with your family it wouldn't scream this is from the guy who I am screwing but from the guy who is really enjoying getting to know you and what makes you tick."

"You nailed it."

"Why thank you."


	5. Looking out for me

Atwater took a sideways look at his partner. The black cloud that had followed her around all day was still lingering and she just looked miserable. Ever since his encounter with Ruzek back at the district he had swung back and forth about whether to tell her that he was looking for her.

It was not that he had anything against Ruzek, he actually really liked the guy but the rumour mill had swung into action when his fiancé turned up and left in tears and he wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Burgess ordered them another drink.

"Ruzek came looking for you earlier." He finally blurted it out.

"What? When?" she cursed herself silently for answering a little to quickly and with a little too much excitement. Picking up her glass she rolled it between her two hands and took a deep breath to slow down her suddenly thudding heart. "What did he want?"

"I don't know. I told him to back off or he would have me to answer to."

Burgess looked at him seriously before letting a smile spread across her face. "Aww Atwater, always looking out for me." She held up her glass to clink his. "Thanks brother."

Kim chewed at her bottom lip. Now at home she had showered and was now ready for bed when she looked at her phone for the hundredth time. No messages. Should she send him a message? Why did he want to see her? No! There was no denying that she had been more than a little crushed when he told her that he was giving his relationship with Wendy a chance. And she knew that was the right thing to do, but it hurt, it hurt like hell.

Despite knowing that he was engaged to someone else she couldn't help the feelings she had for him. She had tried to quash them so perhaps it was for the best that he had forced the issue on her. There was nothing going to happen there. He was engaged to someone else, he was getting married and she had to move on.

Again she looked at her phone. Nothing. She threw it on the table and disappeared into the kitchen and made herself a camomile tea hoping it's calming sweetness would soothe her. Taking it with her to the bedroom she curled up with her book and tried to put the day behind her.

Then she arrived in at the District the next morning and the locker room was abuzz. Everyone was talking about Wendy's visit and the rumour was that she had called it off with Ruzek. Burgess tried to suppress the butterflies in her stomach. This changes nothing, don't get dragged back in she warned herself.

A few hours later her phone beeped in her pocket with a message. It was from Ruzek. _'I guess you heard the news. Sorry I didn't tell you myself.'_

 _'Are you okay?'_

 _'I will be.'_

They got a job before she could answer again, but then she didn't really know what to say anyway. She had never been in the situation when the man she had a developed an unhealthy crush on had just broken her heart and then split up with his fiancé and was now texting her again. Where was the manual for that?

It wasn't until much later that night she finally replied. ' _Sorry about you and Wendy. I hope you aren't drowning your sorrows?'_

 _'Just a little, but I'm a big boy. Thanks for caring.'_

He looked at the phone in his hands, waiting for it to buzz again, willing it to buzz again but nothing happened. He threw it on the coffee table where it rattled against one of the empty beer bottles. Drowning his sorrows in another beer had not made him feel any better. His head buzzed a little from the alcohol but did little to soften the blow.

It was all on him, he knew that and what hit him the hardest, apart from coming home to his apartment to find her gone, was that he knew he should have felt worse than he did. Obviously he was upset at how it ended but he hated that he wasn't upset because it had ended. And that wasn't fair, it wasn't fair on Wendy that he had been a crappy fiancé, it wasn't fair on her that he knew that he was having doubts about them yet wasn't man enough to do anything about it. She had pushed the issue, made the decision that he was too gutless to make and he hated that he was grateful that she did because he couldn't deny that his eye had wandered.

He had been confused because he had never had any doubts about Wendy. He did love her and their relationship had always been comfortable. They had moved in together quickly and settled into domesticity and while he was at the academy that was what he needed. Once he started working in Intelligence he had no choice to wake up to the real world and it was an ugly place. Then the fighting started, little arguments and disagreements that blew up into big deals and Wendy pushed the wedding planning onto him when he was learning a whole new job. Al had called him out on it, he needed to be 100% on the job, 100% of the time and the only way he knew how to do that was to shut Wendy out. That wasn't fair.

Then there was Burgess. She was certainly different from any other girl he had known, the complete opposite of Wendy. She was tough as nails compared to Wendy who liked his constant reassurances. Outward appearances mattered to Wendy, the table had to be set perfectly, the cushions had to match, picking china patterns involved three weekend shopping trips.

Burgess's smile would light up the room and Wendy hadn't smiled much lately.

He enjoyed working with Burgess, she had teased him and mocked him and didn't try to be anyone but herself. When she had kissed him, despite his better judgement and for just a fleeting moment he had welcomed it, kissing her back. He had driven around for hours trying to get his head around how it had made him feel, he couldn't return home until the feeling of Burgess's passionate kiss on his lips had disappeared. It shouldn't have made him feel like that; it shouldn't have made him feel anything. But it did.

Perhaps that was the moment when Wendy realised that something had changed between them. His guilt pushed him further away from her. Burgess was mortified and begged him to forget it and they had had agreed to put it behind them, He tried even going as far as declaring that he was going to really put his whole heart into his life with Wendy and he meant it or he convinced himself that he meant it.

So why then, when Wendy gave him back the engagement ring did he feel a sense of relief? Why did he feel the need to try and find Burgess and tell her it was over with Wendy when he had just ripped her heart out in the foyer earlier that day? _Why was he being such a fuckin' wanker?_

That's when he decided that the best thing he could do for everyone was to just take some time, pull himself out of the game and get his shit together. He looked at the phone again.

 _Way to go Ruzek, you've got no fucking idea._

Al noticed his black mood the next day. The few beers he had were sitting badly and he felt basically like shit. "Hey," Al called him out. "What's your problem?"

"Nothing man." He tried lying. Al looked at him the way only Al could. He wasn't buying his bullshit. "I had a few beers last night." He sucked in a deep breath. "Wendy moved out."

"Jesus. What did you do?"

Adam bristled a little at the accusation. _Had everyone noticed what a prick he had been?_ "Thanks Al, you know just the right thing to say." He snapped.

"Hey hey." Al waited until Adam looked up from the paperwork he was trying desperately to focus on. "I'm sorry about Wendy."

Adam softened, "No worries Al." he leant back in his chair "I guess I shouldn't be shocked, things had been pretty crappy for awhile. It still stings though."

"Perhaps she just needs a little time?"

"Nah man, I think it's better this way." Picking up his pen again he started back at his report. "And no offense Al, not really sure you are the best one to give me relationship advice, ya know." A small smile played at the corner of his mouth and he ducked just as Al lobbed a pen at him.

Burgess heard the gate to Intelligence swing open as she stood at the desk waiting for Platt to give them their next job. Her new partner was lazy and just biding his time until his full pension kicked in and it made her head hurt. Burgess had to will herself not to turn around when she heard his voice.

Platt held up her hand to stop her partner complaining about their task and called out to the Intelligence pair. "You two." She barked. "You're late with your expense reports. I won't pay them if they are not on my desk by the end of the day."

Al waved his hand in acknowledgement and Burgess turned at the last minute and caught Ruzek's eye. He smiled, almost shyly at her and she turned back quickly but not before he glimpsed just the hint of a smile from her.

It gave him a little bit of hope, if hope was the right word because he didn't know what he wanted from Burgess. He wanted to know that he hadn't ruined their friendship first and foremost. Beyond that it was anyone's guess.

 _'How's the new partner fairing?'_ He deliberated over sending her a text message all evening. They had often texted each other, completely innocently about work for a while, so it was not unusual to check in.

Wendy had commented on the sheer volume of text messages he received. Whether it was from his mates or from work, his phone never stopped and she was surprised to find out that Burgess was a female. Not that she had any reason to not trust Adam and he had been open and honest whenever Burgess messaged him and they had always been totally work related.

 _'He'll be great once his pension kicks in and he leaves.'_

 _'Ouch.'_

And they settled into that. The friendship that he was starting to cherish, and the friendships that he had made since he set foot in the 21st would get him through. It was new life he had now and perhaps it was best that his old life was now in the rear-view mirror because everything was changing. He was changing and for the first time in a long time he liked the fact he had no idea what tomorrow was going to bring.


	6. Happy Birthday

Adam was a little disappointed that Kim was roped into a family dinner for her birthday. Her mother had insisted that she was cooking dinner and as she didn't get to see her much anymore it was the least Kim could do. However he had plenty planned for the day and when she got home.

Unfortunately she had been on nightshift for the past few nights which meant they only had a few minutes together as the passed each other in the morning. It hadn't really worked out this week and he generally saw her in the change room prior to his shift starting.

"Happy Birthday Burgess." He called out as he entered the change room. Giving her a quick friendly hug, she smiled broadly just inhaling him for a moment. "Roman is shouting me breakfast before I head home and crash. Dinner with the family tonight." Kim informed him when he inquired about her plans.

He had already sent her a text message at midnight. _'To my beautiful girl, Happy Birthday. It's been 27 years since this world became a better place because you are in it. I can't wait to kiss you.'_ It had made her smile and even as she read it again later it still had the same effect.

As soon as he woke the next morning he sent another message. He was desperate to call her but knew that she was with Roman and didn't want to blow their cover. _'Hope you had a good shift. Have a wonderful day & I can't wait to kiss you. Happy Birthday.' _

What she didn't expect was that he had obviously been to her place sometime since she left for work last night. On her kitchen bench was an enormous bunch of roses that had obviously been picked straight from a garden. They had talked about it before, how she loved an overstuffed vase of roses in various stages of bloom rather than the pristine long stem roses that never really opened properly. It reminded her of her grandmother's garden. She inhaled their sweet scent and opened the small envelope and pulled out the card. In his usual chicken scrawl he had written. _'Everything's prettier when in bloom. Happy Birthday xx'_

Opening the fridge she found a box of her favourite donuts. _'Save one for me. Birthday Girl.'_

On her bed was another wrapped present. Inside was a framed photo of them, it was in black and white and he had taken it when they were sitting on a park bench in New York, She remembered when it had been taken. Her head was resting on his shoulder and he was looking down at her, Kim's hands were holding his free hand. What she loved most about the photo was you couldn't really tell it was them; it had come out blurry and he had cut their heads off. It matched beautifully the first photo he had given her with just their hands when they first started dating.

Finally in her shower was a bunch of balloons, all with Happy Birthday emblazoned on them.

 _'You are a sweet man, thank you for all my surprises. I wish you were here to see how much I loved them.'_

 _'I wish I was there too. Sleep well darlin' I will see you tonight for the rest of your surprises.'_

 _'You know having sex is not really a surprise anymore?'_

 _'Maybe I have some new moves.'_

 _'Honey, you already have all the right moves.'_

Kim slept all day and was disappointed when Adam texted her to let her know that he had some last minute work to finish after closing out a case. She was hoping to see him before heading to her parent's for dinner. No such luck. She couldn't really get all dressed up for dinner so just made sure she had the _fancy_ _stuff_ on underneath as Adam liked to call it. And dinner with her family was perfectly lovely and Adam refrained from texting her so that she could relax and enjoy it. However she was keen to get out of there and claimed that three night shifts in a row had left her pretty tired.

Adam leapt up from the sofa when he heard the key in the door. Once she had let him know that she was on his way he had quickly tidied up and set up the rest of her birthday surprises. A picnic rug in the middle of the room with plate of her favourite red velvet cupcakes, a bottle of whiskey and one glass and only the soft light from the hallway illuminating the room. The TV was off and the radio played quietly in the background.

"Happy Birthday." He shouted as Kim surveyed the room unable to supress the delight at the scene. Bending at the knees he squeezed her tightly and lifted her up before kissing her deeply. "Happy Birthday." He repeated.

"Thank you. Adam this is wonderful." She looked around. "For everything today, it could only have been more perfect if you had been with me."

"I wish I was. I wanted to make it special. Our first birthday together and wanted to make it one that you will remember for a long time to come."

"I can guarantee you one thing, I will remember this birthday."

He pulled her over to the picnic rug and they sat down together. He pulled out a lighter and lit the candle on the cupcake and preceded to sing her happy birthday. He had such a beautiful voice and she always loved listening to him whether it was in the shower or kitchen. Blowing out the candle she leant over and kissed him softly. Adam propped himself up on one elbow and Kim leant against his legs as they shared both the cupcake and whiskey.

"How was the family?" he asked with a mouthful of cake, trying to catch all the crumbs.

"Good." Kim wiped some frosting from the corner of his mouth. "Very well behaved. My parents gave me my usual book vouchers and my sister a beautiful scarf."

"You know there is one more present?"

"You've gone a little overboard."

"It's your day, it's the one day of the year that is all about you and in our house that was worth celebrating. And we did, from the moment you got up until you collapsed in a sugar coma at the end of the day it just kept coming."

Kim sat up and crossed her legs and taking a sip of the whiskey she tried to recall the last time she really celebrated her birthday. "We had parties as kids and of course my 21st was pretty big, but…"she shrugged, "Lately dinner with the family is about as good as it gets. This…" she waved her arms around "Is just about the best thing ever. I feel so lucky and special. Thank you." Her voice waived a little at the end and she bit lightly on her bottom lip.

Adam reached up and placed a hand behind her neck and pulled her in for a gentle kiss. "It's been my pleasure." He kissed her again before jumping up and disappearing down the hallway and returning moments later with a small present. "This is for you." He presented the box with a flourish. "This is your actual present. Happy Birthday."

Unwrapping the present she was overwhelmed by the beautiful necklace that lay inside. It was and immensely delicate gold chain and small Chicago charm. She had shown him the Jet Set Candy tags a little while ago and was surprised that he remembered it. Throwing her arms around him she squealed. "Adam it's beautiful. Oh my god thank you. It's perfect." He loved seeing her so happy and he loved making her happy.

"I am guessing you like it."

"I love it. This has been the best birthday ever."

Holding the necklace in one hand she kissed him hard before disappearing just as quickly. When he asked where she was going Kim told him to wait and she'd be back in a minute. Running into the bathroom she did notice that he had lit a few candles in the bedroom which made the room smell….well less like Adam.

Quickly she tied her hair up away from her face and clasped the necklace around her neck. It was just beautiful. Discarding her top and jeans leaving just her underwear on she was glad she took the time to drag out the nice stuff.

Adam was back lying on the rug on the floor when she returned with his eyes were closed. "I thought you'd like to see me with the necklace on." When he opened his eyes she was standing in front of him, indeed with the necklace on and a gorgeous dark green lace bra and matching thong. He had often thought that she had one of the best bodies he had ever had the pleasure of seeing and touching.

There were beautiful bodies, those girls who were naturally slim and then there was Kim, she was naturally slim but she worked hard and it showed. Her arms were perfectly toned as where her legs and her abs were perfectly smooth. He couldn't fault her and he could barely keep his hands or eyes off her.

Add that to an ample cleavage and beautiful face but in reality her personality, kindness, heart and vulnerability won him over even before he got to enjoyed all the pleasures of her body.

"I feel like it is suddenly my birthday."

"I can take these off." She hooked her fingers under the waist band of her thong suggestively. "And you can put them on."

"Honey, I would love to get into your panties." Adam leapt up and came to a standstill in front of her. He traced the chain around her neck with one finger. "It looks good on you."

"Can I tell you again how special I feel?"

"You can." He continued trailing his fingers following the line of her bra strap feeling the heat of her skin beneath the dark lace. "Or we can get to the last part of your present." Usually he would pick her up and carry her to the bedroom but tonight he led her by the hand taking a peak over his shoulder as she happily followed behind him.

He took his time loving her. Making sure she felt every moment, every movement and melted beneath his touch.

"I am not sure I am going to be able to make your birthday quite so spectacular?" Kim was curled into his side, a hand drawing circles on his chest.

Adam mumbled in his post sex haze. "You've got a couple of months to plan." Kissing the top of her head he added, "I think the perfect birthday for me would be you in lingerie all day, no interruptions, no family, no friends. I reckon I could just stay here and have sex with you all day. Happy birthday to me."

She bit down on one of his nipples playfully causing him to groan loudly. "I am sure you would."


	7. My Place One hour

Being jealous was not who she was and she certainly didn't like how it made her feel. She didn't like the way it made her angry when Deputy Radigan flirted with him and she hated how she reacted. High School was years ago and that was High School behaviour. And then there was him…was she angry with him? Sure, he obviously had flirted with the blonde deputy but what did it mean? Isn't that just him? Hell he flirted with her while he was still engaged to Wendy. Is this what he does? Was he already looking for the next challenge?

She slammed the glass of wine down so hard it shattered on the bench, sending wine and shards of glass flying, she looked down at the small trickle of blood on her thumb. "Ah fuck." She admonished herself, grabbing a tea towel and pressing it against the small nick. She looked at the clock. It was almost 830; his hour was almost up. How long was she willing to give him? _That's if he turns up at all?_

"Corn dogs?" He offered as she opened the door, a sheepish smile creeping over his face.

Kim put her hands on her hips "Really?"

"There is no-one I'd want to have corn dogs with besides you." He could still sense her annoyance. "Are you going to let me in?" Slowly she stepped aside and let him through, he tried to lean in for a kiss but she weaved out of his reach. Walking into the small kitchen he noticed the smashed glass and he knew it was going to take more than a sweet smile to get out of this. Kim did not follow him, when he returned to the lounge she was seated in the corner of the lounge with another glass of wine in her hand, her feet tucked up tight and her body language screamed annoyance.

"How was Molly's?" she asked.

"Everyone seemed to be settling in for a big night." He joined her on the couch.

"What did you tell them?"

"That I had a headache…." He reached out to her but she didn't move. "…and that I was feeling pretty crappy." He shrugged. "Which I do. I feel crappy because I made you feel like shit."

Kim took a sip of her wine and then handed him the glass to take a mouthful. "I didn't like the way it made me feel. That's not me, I am not the jealous type."

"Babe, you don't need to be jealous."

"Well I am not so sure. It's not like this hasn't happened before?"

"What does that mean?" She took back the glass and had a big swig to give her some courage.

"Well you were engaged before we got together." Trying not to look at him for fear that she would cry she picked at a loose thread on the rug that was thrown over the worn arm of her sofa and the last thing she wanted was for him to see her weakness. She didn't want him to see that he was her weakness.

Adam let out a slow breath between his teeth. "Burgess" She didn't look at him so he tried again. "Kim"

Kim kept picking away at the loose thread. "This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. It's so convoluted. Why didn't you just tell her that you were seeing someone?"

"I don't know. I guess I am so used to denying everything that I didn't think. I was focussed on getting the information from her for Jay. I am sorry, it was stupid and unfair."

Her voice trembled slightly, but still she did not look at him. "Do you think we should take a break?"

"From talking…yes." He reached over and took the glass from her hand; placing it on the table in front of them he grabbed her hand. "From sex…no." Kim looked at him harshly and he swallowed hard. _So not ready for jokes yet!_ He checked himself.

"No Kim, I do not think we need to take a break. I like us together and I think, despite the fact that nobody knows about us and we can't go out with our friends and be together and I have to act like a work colleague when all I want to do to grab you and push you up against a wall, I think we have something good happening here." A small smile started to curl at the corner of her mouth. "Don't you?"

"I do." Slowly she turned to look at him and smiled. "And I really want to jump your bones….like all the time." She cooed in her best high school voice.

"Can I tell you something?" Ruzek leant back for a moment and looked at Burgess. "I am a little jealous of Roman."

"Why?"

"Because he gets to spend everyday with you, he sees you way more than I do."

"Ahh..that's sweet."

"Sweet?"

"It doesn't make me feel so lame for being all pathetic today."

He slipped one hand up her neck and grasped the back on her head, pulling her in tight and kissing her hard. "It's not lame. It's hot."

"You find jealously and petulance hot?" Kim looked at him quizzically.

"At least it shows that you care. If you didn't get jealous or angry with me I would start to think that you were just using me for the awesome sex."

"Lucky for you it is one of the many things I am awesome at." Adam started to wonder how many wines she had consumed before he arrived because she seemed pretty loose, which he did not mind at all. They had enjoyed some pretty wild nights when they both had put a few drinks away. They certainly didn't need alcohol to fuel their sex life, but it was fun when it did.

"True, true." He nodded. "So what is my punishment?" he drawled.

"It was hard to come up with something that didn't punish me also. So not having sex would hurt me because I am feeling particularly frisky tonight." He smiled as she started her little ramble. "Then I thought about making you sit through a soppy movie, but I don't want to do that either but I could do with a massage." Adam smiled at the thought. "And then…" she added dramatically, holding up her hand to push him away as he moved closer. "I realised that you would so get off on that. So…" Kim stood up. "You can go and run me a bath but you cannot join me and then tomorrow morning we have a 6am yoga class."

"Okay, but what happens between the end of your bath and the yoga class?"

"Oh honey…..you need to make me scream."


	8. That's what gets us up everyday

There was something about a seeing a man cry that was incredibly heart wrenching. Kim could somehow detach herself from the situation when other people cried, most of the time. In this job you saw people at their lowest possible point more often than not and if you let them get under your skin you wouldn't last long. However when it was someone you cared deeply about there was nowhere to hide.

Burgess looked away as Ruzek crouched over the body of their murdered colleague, Ross McCadden. His friend. His team were letting him know they were feeling his pain as they moved past him by placing a hand on his hunched shoulder. As the rest of the team walked into the victim's room Kim also rested her hand on his shoulder briefly. He felt the difference in the touch and without looking he knew it was her and he bowed his head a little more. He wanted to reach out and touch her hand, he wanted to feel her skin but he couldn't. Not here and not right now. Kim's heart was breaking. It broke for McCadden and his family and it broke for Adam, her boyfriend.

Even back in the squad room he was quiet as he withdrew into his own little world, putting the joker in him aside. Despite his tough exterior and clown like personality he felt things deeply, perhaps a little too much sometimes and it made it hard to focus on this case. He could feel it sucking the life out of him. Even the air in the room felt thick. There were too many people in here and they were using all the oxygen and he felt like there was nothing left over for him.

Her phone beeped just before midnight when Adam let her know that he had finished for the day. ' _Just got home & I hope I dream about you.' _It was normal for them to send each other a good night message if they had been working. Their work life was constantly throwing up challenges and they didn't get to spend as much time together as they wanted. Their late night texts were sometimes all they had and it was sometimes enough, but not today. He wanted to stop by her place, he didn't want to sleep alone but something stopped him. He wasn't sure what it was. It wasn't doubt because he had no doubts about her. He just felt raw.

Once they had honoured Ross McCadden's wife back at the district, Kim was hoping to see Adam at Molly's with the rest of the unit but he never showed. As Ross's wife and daughter left the District she saw his lip quiver, she saw the tears in his eyes and then he disappeared. It stung her just a little that he didn't want her help but they were still feeling each other out and she wasn't sure if the situation was reversed that she would be any different. Perhaps he didn't know how to ask her for help, perhaps he didn't know that he needed help. He was male after all.

Kim wasn't surprised that he wasn't there. Disappointed, yes but not surprised. The mood was sombre and it wasn't long before everyone made an excuse to leave. It was hard to celebrate a victory when the cost had been far too high. Someone had asked where Ruzek was. Kim didn't answer but Al did. "Ross was a good friend, He's taking it hard." He tilted his head slightly in Kim's direction. He knew.

"Hey" he muttered quietly as he stood aside to let her in before returning to the couch where he had been lying for the past few hours. "I thought you'd come by. Hoping actually."

"I just wanted to check you are ok?" she sat down next to him. Adam laid his head in her lap and grabbed her hand and rested on his chest, covering it with his own and running his fingers lightly over he back of her hand, slowly and gently. He found the rhytmn soothing. Kim ran her other hand through his hair. "Are you ok?"

"I will be." They sat in silence for a while; which generally would have been a challenge for Burgess but this felt right. She knew that poking his raw edges would make him shut down. He didn't like being pushed to open up so she chewed on her bottom lip and closed her eyes and waited.

Eventually he spoke. "Are you going to stay?"

"Would you like me too?"

"I would." He picked up her hand off his chest and pressed it to his lips.

"Of course I will stay." Adam rolled over so that he was now facing her and tucked a hand under his cheek. Kim ran a hand over his rough stubble. "You couldn't get rid of me it you tried."

It had been a steep learning curve for her when she started dating Adam. She noticed, quite easily when he was bothered by something. He would go quiet, retreat just a little bit and initially Kim had found it hard to keep her mouth shut and not push him to talk to her.

Adam found it hard to talk. He had never had to talk about his feelings because no one ever bothered to ask. That mask that he had worn through his childhood, that of the class clown had served him well. When his parent's split up he had hidden his pain behind the mask and the older he got the harder those walls became to penetrate but somehow Kim had found the light through the smallest crack in his wall and he had let her crawl through.

The clock ticked incessantly in the kitchen and the longer they stayed silent the louder it got. Kim shifted slightly and Adam's eyes flew open. He closed them again before starting to speak. "I really liked Ross and Jane. They were a great couple and I wish I had told him about you. I don't think I would have lasted more than a couple of weeks at the Academy if he hadn't pulled me aside and made me pull my head out of my ass. Jane told me that he had seen a little bit of himself in me and that's why he took the time. And she was great. I could always count on Jane for a home cooked meal and some good old fashioned common sense."

He paused, searching for Kim's hand and entwining it in his. "He teased me just last week that I must have been getting a bit because I was so damn happy lately, but of course I had to lie. He was having none of it. You would have loved them both and I know they would have loved you. Jane told me that whoever it was that was making me happy I should hang onto for dear life. And now this happens. I knew getting into this job, after watching my Dad go through this, that it was likely to happen to someone I knew, to a friend."

Kim didn't respond she just continued stroking his hair, knowing that it relaxed him. "He died trying to protect a fucked up guy, the worse type of guy. A paedophile. I fucking hated that case. I am glad we got them all, this time, but I fucking hated every minute of it."

She bent down and kissed him lightly on the forehead. "I know baby, but you kept going and those two kids are safe, and the next two kids. There is always going to be shit people in this world and we see the worst of them. Babe that's what gets us up everyday."

He knew all that. He knew that they would always come across the worst kind of people. That had to balance out somewhere. Jane and Ross McCadden tipped the balance back to the good and this woman sitting with him now, comforting him, there was more good in his life because she was in it. She got him and had gotten under his skin and he liked it. Right now she was just what he needed. He liked that, while he knew that Kim wanted to talk and tell him everything was going to be alright and that he needed to put it behind him she didn't. Wendy would have pushed him, Kim just pulled him closer and as they climbed into bed she held onto him and let him be.

The next morning Adam shook her gently and offered up the usual cup of coffee. "Good Morning Darlin". He had to laugh as she groaned and pulled the covers up over her shoulders. He just sat and watched her as she gradually woke up and reached out for the coffee. "It's time to get up. You have shift in an hour." He grinned. "Do you need to go home?"

"No, I brought clothes with me." Taking a mouthful of the coffee it brought her a little more to life. "Just need a shower."

"Need company?" Adam winked at her.

She took a big swig of her coffee and kicked off the sheets. "Make it quick."

Kim handed him the cup of coffee as she jumped out of bed. "Wow Burgess, such the romantic."

Calling over her shoulder as she headed for the bathroom. "I don't have time for romance."

Adam waited just a moment. Long enough to make her wonder if he was going to join her. Suddenly he opened the curtain and wrapped his arms around her waist as he stepped into the shower and rested his head on her shoulder. "Thanks for last night. You were exactly what I needed."

"Glad I could help. I was worried about you."

"I know and I liked it." He kissed her cheek. "It was a nice feeling. To know that you have someone that knows when you are struggling and needed a bit of TLC."

"Ah Ruzek, stop it. You are making my heart all a flutter and I have to be at work in 45 minutes."

He captured her lips in a searing kiss that left her weak at the knees.


	9. Can I just have Atwater back?

Kim sat crossed legged on the bed, having found Adam's discarded t-shirt and pulling it on. Adam propped himself up against the headboard, he tucked the pillows in behind him. "So now, tell me about this Roman guy?"

Having spent the day itching to get his hands on her the last thing he wanted to do when they got home was talk about work. He was obsessed with her at the moment and craved her kiss, her touch, her warm body bent around his at every opportunity.

But she wanted to talk and he had to admit he loved to listen to her. Whenever she went on a rant it was never mean spirited and always entertaining. Burgess didn't necessarily want his input or need him to solve any problem she had; he just needed to listen as she worked it out and her way of working it out was to verbalise it. Occasionally she would ask for his opinion and he was very selective with his responses. He only stepped in when she was getting too close to the edge.

"He just seems weird. Does he seem weird to you? Maybe he's gay?" Despite the fact she had asked him a question, he knew he was not required to answer. "I think he has some issue with women cops and I don't want to spend my whole day trying to impress him." she mused.

"You don't need too, you are a good cop."

"Platt is not going to give me another partner, I've been through so many. She gets a kick out of it I am sure, she just wants to see me squirm. I don't know why she is so hard on me all the time." She grabbed a pillow and rested it on her lap before resting her chin on her hand and started chewing on her bottom lip. "I thought I could ring his old district."

"And say what?"

"Find out why he transferred." She shrugged having not really thought that far ahead. "I don't know. It's so exhausting all this partner crap. Can I just have Atwater back?"

"Not sure Kev would be down with that."

"Do you think I should call his old district?" Kim tilted her head waiting for him to answer.

Adam took a couple of seconds before answering. "And say what? Is this guy Roman a misogynist pig or just a tosser?" She saw the look of resignation on her face when she realised that she had no idea what to ask. "Couple of guys I went through the academy with work at the 31st I could call them?"

"Yep, good idea? That would not look suss at all, you calling asking about my partner. Platt would so find out and we'd be busted. She would ride my arse until Christmas." She groaned and flopped down next to him and covered her face with the pillow. "I don't get why she hates on me so much?"

"Platt doesn't hate you."

"You sure about that?"

"I reckon she's the kinda person who the more she rides you the more she actually believes in you."

"Burgess." He pulled the pillow away. "It's only been a day, give it a chance and maybe tomorrow will be better. If he keeps treating you like crap I'll happily take him on." He flexed his biceps while laughing before adding in a more serious tone. "Platt is not going to put up with that shit for long."

"Just what I always wanted; a hulking man defending my honour." She knew the exact spot that he was the most ticklish and quickly moved to pin him to the bed by sitting on him and starting to tickle him until he squirmed. "You need to get rid of those weaknesses if you are going to fight on my behalf. He may be little but I reckon he's a goer."

Burgess did call Roman's old district and got the low down on his previous partner, she was surprised when she confronted him and eventually he admitted that he had fallen in love with her and from the subsequent conversation it did not end well.

"Well, we have to work together so let's start again." Burgess offered her hand for him to shake. "I'm Kim Burgess, your new partner. Welcome to the 21st."

Roman took her hand and smiled slightly. "Looking forward to it, Kim Burgess." Things eased after that and Roman started to open up a little. He was certainly willing to mix it up and didn't take a backward step so Kim was pretty sure they would make a good team.

"So how did today go?" Adam was sitting at the small kitchen table with his feet up on the chair while Kim heated them up some dinner. He had tried to get her leave dinner until later but she hadn't eaten all day and swatted away all his attempts at seduction, although his attempts generally involved groping her until she relented. He took a swig of his beer before offering it to her.

"I called him out. Rang his old district and basically his ex partner was pretty well liked. They had some torrid little thing going apparently and it ended badly. We agreed to start from scratch."

"Do I have to worry about him getting the hots for you?" He was almost drooling as he watched her move about the small kitchen. She was wearing a short denim skirt and tank top, which showed off both her cleavage and legs so he didn't really know where to look.

Burgess laughed as she strained the pasta in the sink, dumping it in a big bowl and covering it with the sauce. "Nah, I kinda have this thing going on at the moment which is pretty hot."

He jumped up and grabbed the bowl from her and leant in for a kiss. "Good to hear."


	10. No No No

The rest of the Intelligence team sat back at the district, they were frustrated and feeling pretty bloody useless. Voight, Lindsay and Halstead had all taken off to New York in search of Yates and Nadia, and they were left behind to chase up any loose threads that might help them. The mood of the room was pretty tense and every time a phone rang they jumped like a gun had been let off and then waited. Nothing….they had heard nothing and all calls went unanswered.

Ruzek checked in with Burgess; she and Roman were back out on Patrol. She had been pretty shaken up last night after finding out that Nadia had disappeared. Along with Roman they had been the ones who had initially made contact with Yates and brought him in for the first time, perhaps setting this chain of events in motion. He had made her skin crawl and she was relieved when Adam got home, even though it was well after midnight so she could finally sleep. When he crawled into bed she quickly buried herself in his arms and he knew what she was feeling. "This is not on you and Roman, but I am here with you right now and it's going to be okay."

'You don't know that?"

"No I don't, but I know you are safe and right now that's all I can do."

Adam jumped up to grab a coffee; his fifth cup so far, which would drive Kim insane later when he was bouncing off the walls. Antonio followed him into the break room, "Man, this is just bullshit." He muttered, frustrated not to be doing more.

Antonio agreed, "But we have our jobs to do here and you're doing good." With Voight gone it was up to Antonio and Al to steady this ship. Ruzek and Atwater were young officer's, inexperienced at dealing with something so close to home.

A phone rang from the Bullpen and they both headed back. Al was talking; his face was unreadable. ' _Okay, yep, right.'_ He turned away from the expectant faces watching him _. 'Keep us informed.'_

He turned back to face them and they knew before he even spoke. "They found Nadia." His voice choked a little. "They have Yates." Despite having not said the words each of them knew that Nadia was dead, Ruzek sat down heavily at his desk, his head in his hands.

Antonio was the first to speak. "What did he do?"

"You know his MO." Al didn't need to say anymore, he didn't know all the details but the few that he did were consistent with his previous murders.

The room was silent, painfully silent. Nothing could be said that could make this any better, no one could move. The late afternoon sun cast weak shafts of light across the room but no one noticed. It wasn't until Platt appeared at the top of the stairs that they came back to reality and by the look on her face, they could see that she knew. It was a rare show of vulnerability from Platt but Nadia had been one of the few that had broken her down.

She glanced around the half empty bullpen, not feeling the need to say anything as the desperate looks on their faces said it all. Eventually she spoke, her voice cracked. "Adam." She rarely called him by his first name. He looked up at her. "Burgess and Roman are heading back to District, they don't know yet." He nodded when he understood what Platt was telling him. She wanted him to be there for Burgess when she found out.

She turned to the rest of the team. "Commander Fisher does not expect you to see out the rest of the day. You take the time you need." She felt her voice quiver and quickly left before she completely lost it. Adam looked at Al, who motioned for him to go.

Platt was back behind her desk, shuffling some papers that Adam knew she had no interest in. Roman was first through the door, followed by Burgess and neither of them had their usual spring in their step. "You wanted us back Sargent?" he asked but deep inside he already knew the reason why and for that reason it had been a quiet ride back in the squad car.

Kim stopped in her tracks when she saw Adam, standing at the side of the desk, hands shoved deep in his pockets, his head slightly bowed. When he lifted his head she knew. "No, No, No" her hands flew to her face. Roman turned and reached out to steady her while Adam took three quick strides and wrapped her up in his arms. Roman turned back to Platt and she was staring straight ahead, tears brimming in her usually hard eyes.

Adam led her upstairs and Roman followed and he stopped in the Bullpen while Adam took Kim through to the quiet locker room. "I'm so sorry Baby." He whispered against her hair as he took all her weight when her knees buckled. They ended up on the floor, Adam resting against the lockers with Kim sobbing in his arms. It broke his heart. He was devastated that Nadia had been brutally murdered; he liked Nadia yet knowing how heartbroken his girl was made it even worse.

Her head was buried in his chest and he could feel the dampness of her tears through his shirt, he rested his head on hers and closed his eyes and they stayed there trying to come to grips with the tragedy of it all. Kim wiped away her tears and whispered "How? When?"

"I don't know Darlin'. Al only spoke to New York briefly." His hand was gently stroking her hair. "He didn't say much."

"Oh God, I hope he didn't hurt her." Kim sobbed. "Sorry that sounds stupid. Of course he hurt her; I just meant…" she choked on her words, unable to finish the sentence. Adam knew exactly what she was thinking and he also knew, from Al's less than stoic reaction that it was exactly what happened to Nadia.

"I know what you meant. Kim, sweetheart'." He held her just a little tighter.

"I can't imagine what she suffered." And the sobbing started again.

Al appeared in the doorway. "You guys need anything?" He came over and helped Kim up off the floor. Adam pulled himself up and they all re-entered the bullpen. Everyone was still there, Antonio, Atwater and Roman. They didn't want to be here but at least they were all together.

"I was thinking we should go to Molly's but I am not up to seeing anyone outside this place yet." Al started. "So we are all going back to my place. Meredith insists. No-one needs to go and be alone just yet."

Adam waited while Kim changed out of uniform. He was sitting at his desk; the rest of the bullpen was empty. Atwater and Roman left together and Antonio had gone with Al. He rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes and tried to calm his turbulent mind and he didn't hear Kim when she returned. She stood and watched him for a moment, so desperately sad and it made her heart hurt even more. Even when she placed a hand on his cheek he didn't open his eyes he just leant into it for a moment. "I love you." He whispered. "I really want you to remember that right now."

"I know." She kissed him softly. "I know."

Finally he opened his eyes. "Let's go. I can't be here anymore." He grabbed her hand tightly and they made their way to Al's. Adam knew it was a good idea to all be together, but on one hand he just wanted to curl up with Kim and try and shut it all out. He held onto her hand all the way to Al's door.

Meredith instantly drew Kim into a hug and led her into the lounge where Roman, Atwater and Platt were all sitting and talking. Kim sat down next to Atwater and leant on his shoulder for a moment.

Adam found Al and Antonio in the kitchen, talking quietly. Al handed him a glass of scotch and they raised a silent toast to Nadia. Al took a big swig and let out a long slow breath. "I spoke with Voight. Nadia…" he paused. "This piece of shit brutally raped her, beat her, strangled her and buried her in a shallow grave on a beach in Harlem, there were others. He killed another girl before they caught him, one girls' in hospital still." Adam and Antonio just stared at him. "Lindsay…Halstead is with her, she's inconsolable. They had brought the trial forward, they are staying until it's done."

Meredith appeared at the doorway. "You should join the others." She urged. She knew if those three stayed in here, stewing over the minute details it could push them places she did not want them to go. Adam and Antonio left, followed by Al who stopped to hug his wife. "Thank you." He kissed her forehead.

The mood in the other room was a little lighter, they were chatting about Nadia. Recalling those funny moments, those sweet moments. Roman was retelling the story about their day on patrol and Platt was adding her own hilarious twist to the tale. Antonio made sure that everyone knew about their first interaction with Nadia, when she kicked Ruzek in the balls. He groaned at the memory but couldn't help the little smile that played at his lips. He looked at Kim who was also smiling gently.

She was still sitting between Atwater and Roman, her two partners and he knew they were protective and loyal to her and he liked that, perhaps he would have liked to have been beside her right now, but they would all need to lean on each other so he could wait.

Adam followed Trudy out to the kitchen when he saw her get up and leave. "Sarge." Ever since they had spent some time together in hospital when Kim had been shot they had an understanding. "How are you doing?"

"I am doing okay. Thank you." She answered stiffly. "How is Burgess?"

"When the initial shock has worn off, I reckon it's going to hit her like a tonne of bricks."

"She and Roman have been booked off for tomorrow."

"I'll look after her. I promise."

Trudy smiled at him "Of course you will, or you will have me to answer to." Ah, there was the desk Sgt he knew and…well loved was not the right word….feared, respected. One thing he did really like about her was that she liked Kim, she was hard on her, pushed her buttons but she was fierce like a lion when she had to protect her cubs and Kim was one of her cubs.

"What are you two talking about?" Kim had slipped into the kitchen suddenly feeling the need to be with Adam. They had been here almost two hours and they had barely spoken to each other. He was always able to centre her with a touch or a word and right now she could feel herself spiralling again when the enormity of what had just happened swamped her.

"I was just telling lover boy that if he doesn't look after my patrol officer I will have him back in uniform so fast his feet won't touch the ground." Kim slipped an arm around his waist as Adam laughed. "Well if that's not reason enough."

Trudy asked Adam to leave them for a moment, which he did reluctantly. He dare not protest. As soon as he left Trudy turned to her young patrol officer. "I know what you are thinking."

"Sargeant." She tried to protest.

"You and Roman bought that guy in, you did your job and I know you think that because of that Nadia is now dead." Kim stared back, surprised at how precisely she knew what she felt. Had Adam told her?

"I am glad we caught him."

"We did. And you were a big part of that, do not blame yourself."

"I can't help but think if he wasn't at the station he wouldn't have seen Nadia and come back for her."

"And perhaps he would still be out there doing this to other women. You do know he killed another woman in New York and left a second woman with brain damage after what he did to Nadia. He had to be stopped. We stopped him."

Tears spilled down Kim's cheeks as her Sgt's voice broke. "We got him. Take solace in that." She squeezed Kim's arm as she quickly left the room. One thing she was determined was she was not going to cry in front of Burgess, or any of them for that matter. When she got home the flood gates could open.

Kim wiped away her tears and returned to the group. She sat on the arm of the chair that Adam was sitting in as he was leaning across talking to Roman. At one point she was worried that Adam would never forgive Roman for what happened the night she was shot, but surprisingly he just let it all go once he was satisfied that Kim was going to be alright. He casually draped an arm across her leg and she leant into him slightly.

It was some hours before everyone felt the need to leave. Kim and Adam hardly spoke on the trip home, each lost in their own memories and grief. "I'm going to take a shower." Kim dropped her bag inside the bedroom door. She let the warm water pour down over her, easing the tension she was carrying, washing away the despair even if it was momentary. She tried to focus on the water and push everything else away. Closing her eyes and tyring just to feel the water. She jumped as she felt Adam's hand on her shoulder as he stepped into the shower. It was nice having him there, she leant into him so they could both let the water wash away the day. It was comforting, supportive and reassuring.

Crawling into bed together Adam folded her into his arms, his body curled around her back. "Darlin'." He whispered and Kim rolled over to look at him in the darkened room, a small silver of light from the bathroom enabling him to see her face. "I just want to kiss you, just for a moment."

"You don't need to ask my permission."

"I know, I just didn't want you to think that I wanted anything other than to kiss you so that you know that I love you and I don't think I could get through this without you."

"You and I are going to do this together." It was bittersweet when their lips met, a melding of love and pain, of heartbreak and faith. "Adam." Her voice sounded small and weak in the dark. "I really love having you in my life. I didn't think I could have this much faith and belief and love with anyone. It's you that has given me everything I dreamt of and things that I never knew I wanted." He kissed her again, slowly and lovingly then let her rest her head on his chest and be lulled to an exhausted sleep by his steady heart while he drifted off with her in his arms.

Neither of them slept peacefully, it was 430am when Adam glanced at the clock. Kim had moved away from him so he slid closer, needing to feel her warmth. "You know what happened to Nadia don't you?" her voice startled him.

For a moment he wasn't sure how to answer. He had tried unsuccessfully to put it out of his mind and now Kim asking him brought it back to the fore. She needed to know and it wasn't fair to keep it from her but he had hoped that it would wait until morning. Adam pulled her tighter and buried his head in her shoulder. "I do."

"You don't want to tell me."

"No."

"I can't sleep." Turning over so that she was facing him, she could feel his breath on her face as he leant in and kissed her forehead. "I keep imagining what happened and hoping that my imagination is worse than reality but then I get the horrible feeling that it is not."

"I so want to tell you that it's not as bad as you think, I want to protect you from everything horrible in this world but you are a cop and you know what shit really goes on. You know how fucking horrible some people are." Kim leant across him and turned on the light.

"Please Adam."

"Yates strangled Nadia." He started slowly. "He had assaulted her, tied her up. He raped her." Adam's eyes never left Kim's face and he hated seeing the horror spread across her face as the reality of his words hit home. "They found her buried in a shallow grave just off the beach in Harlem."

"Oh my god." Kim wailed and buried her head into his chest, as she sobbed he felt the tears on his own cheeks. "I know it's not my fault, I know Roman and I did the right thing bringing him in, I know I should be proud somehow that by doing my job, the job I swore to do, to serve and protect that I played a part in stopping all this, but I can't." She looked up at him and saw the tears brimming in the soft light of the lamp. "I can't help feeling like by doing my job I put Nadia in his crosshairs. And now she dead; an undignified, brutal and agonising death. And I feel guilty for that part of me that wishes I had not been the one."

Adam put one finger on her lips to stop the rest of her sentence. "No Kim, don't. I won't let you go down that path." She lowered her head to his chest and they fell silent again, not sleeping, just silent. He reached over and turned off the light. Once the darkness enveloped him again Adam spoke, just quietly.

"I feel like an bastard because for a brief moment I was grateful that it wasn't you. It could have been you and just for a fleeting moment I was glad that it was someone else. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy but I know I couldn't live if it was you."

It was Kim's turn to comfort and reassure him. "It's okay Babe, it's okay."

"It's not okay."

"It is, I would feel exactly the same. Everyone would. You don't think that Al is happy it's not Meredith, Halstead is grateful it wasn't Erin? You are human and you have a big heart, that's one of the things I love about you. You care about people and you care deeply and fiercely for those close to you, that's a good thing. I know you, you didn't want this for Nadia."

"I am a lucky man." He pulled the sheet up over her as she shivered a little. Kim stroked his abdomen in the pre-dawn silence. She dozed off but Adam couldn't sleep. He knew what she said was right, but it still didn't feel right.

Adam slipped out of bed as the sun rose. He couldn't just lie there and pretend the last 24 hours had not happened. He wanted to go for a run to clear his head but was worried that Kim would wake up and worry were he was and he didn't want to wake her because she actually seemed to be in a deep sleep. He did some push ups and sit ups and free weights and it worked momentarily but as soon as he stopped reality returned.

He rang Al. "You heard anymore?"

"Not much, I spoke to Voight a little while ago. Nothing more to tell, they are trying to get the trial going ASAP."

"Do they need anything from us?"

"Just the report from the abduction. They can only pursue him on Nadia's disappearance and murder. They have no other evidence for all the other cases, not yet and they don't want to delay. It's the best chance. Lindsay will be on the stand."

"Shit Lindsay." He exhaled "That's gonna be rough on her."

"Yeah Kid." Al barely hid the concern in his voice. "Hey, How's Burgess?"

"Finally asleep. It's been a rough night."

"And you?"

"It's been a rough night Al." he repeated not feeling the need to go into any further details.

Adam offered to go in a send the report but Al was already at the District. He was then taking the day off. Commander Fisher had insisted that unless necessary the whole unit was not expected in today, so unless they caught a case that couldn't wait they were all on a forced day off.

Kim rolled over and reached out for Adam. She opened her eyes slowly and was surprised to look at the clock and see it was after 9am. In the bathroom and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and groaned. The last two days had certainly left their mark. She looked tired and like she spent the last 48 hours crying.

Adam could hear her moving about, so he jumped up from the paper he was reading and poured her a cup of coffee. "Hey, beautiful." She shuffled in and leant in for a kiss and morning hug. Handing her the coffee she took a mouthful before putting it aside and jumping up to sit on the bench. Adam came and stood between her legs and rested his arms on either side. "You got some sleep?"

She nodded taking another mouthful of the hot coffee. "Did you?"

"Not much." He rested his head on her chest and she ran her fingers through his messy hair. Gradually she started digging her fingers into the tight muscles of his neck. She could feel him murmur and relax under her firm pressure. "You are good to me."

"Anything new?"

"What makes you think I have spoken to anyone?" He looked up at Kim, her fingers still kneading his neck.

Kim snorted. "Because I know you."

"I spoke with Al, he was at the District just sending off our files. It seems that there is no other evidence that they can use to charge him with anything but Nadia, so that's what they are trying to push through. Lindsay will need to testify."

"How is she? I feel bad I haven't asked?"

"Gutted. I am sure that Voight and Halstead are doing their best to take care of her."

"Poor Lindsay." Kim finished off her coffee and her stomach growled. She hadn't eaten much over the last few days. Adam made her some toast and she did her best to force it down, it settled heavily in her stomach. She could hear her phone ringing from her bag where she had dropped it by the door when they got home last night. Adam grabbed it for her. "Hey man, how are you?" he answered. "Yeah, she's here, hang on." Passing the phone to her she looked at the name. Roman.

"Hey, you're not at work are you?" She queried.

"No just checking that you are alright."

"I'm okay." They had been through a lot in their year together and they had developed a pretty tight bond. The same kind of relationship that he shared with Al, so far he had no reason to doubt that Roman genuinely cared about the well being of his partner and that meant that when Adam couldn't be there for Kim, Roman would pick up the slack.

They organised to catch up for lunch. Adam declined to join them. "You and Roman need to talk about the Yates arrest and Nadia. You don't need me for that. Just don't be long, I am feeling a little possessive today." He winked.

Kim cocked an eyebrow at him "Possessive huh?"

"I just want to shut out the world for a day and be with my girl."

Adam went for a run while Kim had lunch with Roman. He talked to Al again and had a chat to Antonio. Al counselled him on his guilt over feeling relieved that it wasn't Kim, he admitted that he had that same thought and it did not diminish his grief over Nadia, that it was normal and expected.

Kim could hear the shower running when she returned from lunch. It had been good to get out and talk to Roman. He had no regrets about bringing Yates in, they did the right thing but it did not have to diminish feeling sad about Nadia.

Adam emerged from the bathroom with a towel firmly wrapped around his waist. He was surprised to see Kim sitting at the kitchen counter, checking her phone. "Couldn't keep away huh?" he dropped a kiss on her head as he headed to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. "You wish." She shot back quickly.

"How was Roman?"

Kim told him about their lunch, his reinforcement that they did the right thing and were not to blame and his concern for her. It was the same concern and support that Adam was getting from Al.

Adam headed back to the bedroom to get dressed and did not hear Kim follow him; she leant on the doorframe as he hunted for a clean pair of jeans. "Need some help?" she asked coyly.

Adam smiled as he turned and Kim was smiling back at him, it was the first smile he had seen in days and it warmed his heart. There was a faint glint in her eyes, a hint of longing but Adam felt reluctant and reluctance was not something he usually experienced when Burgess got her flirt on. He let his gaze wander over her petite frame, from her skinny black jeans to her floaty white shirt and his heart skipped just a little. Despite the weariness on her face, her tired eyes and the slump of her shoulders he found her impossibly beautiful. At her lowest; and he had seen her there a few times, when she was shot, when she fought so hard to keep her and Roman alive and now when a good friend and work colleague had been brutally murdered she often shone the brightest.

There was something about seeing someone so emotionally drained, when life had taken it's toll and seeing that utter vulnerability that was beautiful. When you allow another person to see you so bare and exposed takes enormous trust and love and they had both opened themselves up at different times and the rewards had been immense.

He held out a hand to her and slowly she took it, easing into his space. He cradled her face, searching her eyes for a hint. "Is this wrong?" she asked the question he was trying himself to decipher. He pressed his lips against hers, soft, willing and passionate. "I want to feel something different." She whispered as he rested his forehead on hers. Kim pushed the towel from his waist before lifting her arms above her head as he pulled her shirt off and let it slip to the floor. In one swift motion he picked her up and deposited her on the bed. She wiggled out of her jeans as Adam watched before joining her on the bed.

It was slow and passionate and quiet. They each reached deep within themselves to find that part that could feel something other than the crushing loss and heartache of the last few days. Trying to make themselves feel better and striving to help the other feel loved. They succeeded, momentarily.

Kim propped herself up on some pillows with Adam's head resting in her lap. She stroked his face and head softly until his breathing evened out and she realised he was asleep. Resting her head against the headboard she also closed her eyes but sleep evaded her, too many thoughts whirled and crashed about in her head. So much had happened in the past year and she had let her heart lead her down certain paths, her job choices, her relationship with Adam and at times she worried that she followed her heart too much, perhaps she needed to listen to her head a little more. Although when she thought about the man she shared her life with and a year ago it did not seem possible.

Her love life had been uneventful and uninspiring, a few short-lived romances to her credit and nothing that when it ended left her heart in tatters. Still stroking his hair the depth of her love for him was as breathtaking as it was comfortable and with the events of the last days still painfully raw she recognised that life was short and could be over in the blink of an eye and they had to take every moment, every chance and just live.

Kim eventually dosed off herself and they both woke as the room started to darken with the dipping of the late afternoon sun behind the neighbouring building. "Hey." Adam nuzzled into her neck. "Thank you."

"For what?" Kim's voice was still raspy from her nap.

"Everything. Being everything I need and want." Was that a wobble of emotion she heard in his voice.

"You know what?" Kim softly ran a finger down the side of his face. "I think you and I are going places."

"Does that make you happy?"

"Unbelievably."


	11. I deserved to be in the loop

Kim sat on the couch waiting for Adam to get home. Since her shooting they had made every effort to ensure they were together most nights. It took a lot of encouraging on her behalf to get him to even go out for a drink with either the rest of the team or his mates. Pouring herself a glass of wine she started to doubt whether she had made the right call. Was it too hasty? What would Adam say? She had not even discussed it with him.

The phone beeped with a message. _On my way. Need anything?_

 _Just you._

Slipping her hand inside her shirt she let her fingers run over her scars. They were still rough and raw and some days she could barely look at herself in the mirror. It never seemed to bother Adam and he did try and reassure her constantly. He had done some online research and come home with Rosehip oil, which was supposed to help scars fade. Kim couldn't help but smile remembering the ensuing disaster that bought. Oil spilt everywhere as a simple massage into her scar turned into a hearty lovemaking session. The oil stain had never come out of the sheets.

Adam gave her a quick kiss before getting himself a beer and topping up her glass. He dropped himself down beside her on the couch and leant into her shoulder. "So how was desk duty today? Last day on Patrol."

"Adam." The tone of her voice was serious and he pulled back a little. "I turned down the Intelligence job."

"What? Why?" Shifting in his seat so that he was now facing her. Kim clasped her hands tightly together in her lap. The longer she thought the less clear things became. "I am not ready to leave patrol yet. I haven't put it behind me, neither has Roman."

"So you gave up the one thing that you have been trying for since I met you because Roman is still feeling guilty?" He spat out incredulously. The venom in his voice took Kim by surprise.

"No, It is not Roman's fault. I don't blame him, but he blames himself."

Adam fought the urge to get up and leave. It was how he would have dealt with an argument when he was with Wendy and then he would wait until Wendy was ready to talk rationally before they settled it and sometimes it took days. It wasn't like that with Kim but he took a few moments before he answered. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He was trying to make sense of all this. This was something that had never come up, not once in the last few weeks had she doubted herself about joining Intelligence. "That's not your problem."

"I feel like it is." She was looking down at her hands, nervously twisting them in her lap.

"So I didn't really need to spend an hour being drilled by Voight on what he expects from me with you working in Intelligence?" I didn't need to go through all his terms and conditions?"

"I really need you to support me on this."

Slowly he let out a long sigh. "I wish you had talked to me about it. The whole reason we kept us a secret for so long was because you wanted into Intelligence. That seems like a waste now doesn't it?"

"You think this has been a waste?" Kim knew that was not what he meant, but for some reason all rationality seemed to have deserted her today.

"That's not what I said. Don't twist my words."

No longer could she hold back the tears and they came in a flood. The tears that had threatened to fall since she had walked into Voight's office fell onto her hands and she turned her palms upwards to catch them. Adam reached out and grabbed her hands. "You know I will back you all the way, Babe. Please don't throw away your career because you feel bad about how your partner deals with the job."

"You blame Roman."

"No." he lied smoothly. In reality he did, he knew that Roman was fighting with his ex while Kim approached the door alone. She was frustrated with them both and as far as he was concerned that was why she didn't think about making sure she stood to the side. Not that they had any idea that the door would be rigged. He had to take some of the responsibility, but Kim refused to blame him. He wasn't that charitable.

'You think I have made a mistake?'

"Doesn't matter what I think, it was your decision." He answered honestly with a hint of annoyance. "I am a bit surprised that you didn't feel the need to talk to me about how you felt. I thought we were kind of beyond all that." He scratched at his rough beard. "I thought this was pretty much a full on relationship, that we weren't just fooling around anymore. I guess I thought I deserved to be in the loop."

"We are." How could she get him to understand? "It's just at that moment when I had to let Voight know it didn't feel like the right thing to do. Whether it is or isn't the right decision, the deal is done. It's over." She wiped a tear from her cheek. "Please Adam, trust me I can live with my choice, but not if you can't. More than this job, I want this." She motioned between them both "I want this to work more than anything. I am so in love you with, the thought that I have let you down…" a sob escaped unexpectedly.

Adam cocked his head to the side before scooting across the sofa and wrapping her up in his arms. "You haven't let anyone down, especially not me. I am proud of you no matter what you do. I thought that was what you really wanted and I am surprised you turned it down. That opportunity may not come up again. Are you okay with that?"

"I am."

"I wish you had talked to me about it."

"I'm sorry. I really do care about what you think."

"I just want you to be happy." He tucked a curl of hair behind her ear and ran his fingers lightly over the scar on her cheek.

"Tonight can I just be happy with you?"

"Of course." He kissed her slowly and she could feel his cheeky smile on her lips as he pulled away slightly. "But I am wondering how happy do you want me to make you? Like warm fuzzy happy or screaming my name happy?"


	12. If forgot to let you in

Kim unlocked her front door and placed her keys on the small side table beside Adam's spare set. The only light was shining from her bedroom while the rest of the place was still in the dark. When they had left the district he was heading home while she had a Boxing class to get to. Although he said he would head over to her place, she almost didn't expect him until much later, if at all; he had the tendency to take time out for himself when a case got too much for him.

The past few days had been rough for him, she knew that and had tried to remain as rational as possible but it had been hard. He had taken Felicia's death to heart and him being undercover and so emotional about the girl's death had bothered her. Roman had done his best to reassure her that Ruzek was just doing his job but without having the chance to talk to him it had nagged away at her.

Much of her concerns had been swept away in the locker room, but she knew that it was still bothering Adam, she could feel the pain coming from within him and that he would need her support unconditionally. What she had to do was make sure she was able to give it.

She walked quietly into the bedroom. Adam was stretched out on her bed with his hands behind his head and his eyes were closed. His breathing was slow and steady and Kim realised he was sleeping. Obviously he had taken a shower, his hair back to its normal wild state. His gun and his badge on the bedside table. Kim sat down on the edge of the bed and rested a hand on his chest. "Adam." She whispered quietly.

Slowly he opened his eyes, allowing them to adjust to the dim light. "Hey darlin'." His voice was a little croaky from sleep. Grabbing her hand he pulled her in for a kiss, soft and gentle. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I got so caught up in this case I forgot to let you in. "

"You were upset about that girl. I get that, I really do." Kim brushed his hair back from his forehead. "I just wish I could've been there for you, I wanted to know you were okay and I could see that you were upset and I hated that you didn't come to me to help you."

"I got so worked up I didn't know how to get out of it."

"That's what I am here for."

"I know." Adam ran his hand up the side of her face and grasped the back of her head so that he could pull her in for a kiss. Right now he need to feel a human connection. "I love you so much." He whispered between kisses. "I need you right now."

Kim pushed him away from him. "I need to take a quick shower."

"No you don't." Adam didn't want to let her go. He had spent the past two weeks working undercover and their schedules had been screwed and they hadn't seen each other. Now he just needed to feel her, he needed to feel her skin against his and he needed to feel part of her again. He sighed as Kim peeled away from him and headed to the bathroom. On passing she noticed his suit hanging on her closet door. _So he was planning on going to the memorial service._

She lingered in the shower for a few minutes longer, making sure she was ready to put the past few days firmly behind her. Emerging from the bathroom Adam was lying on her bed, eyes closed again, but she knew he wasn't asleep as he tapped his hand on his thigh rhythmically.

His eyes shot open when he felt Kim's hand on his leg; she was standing beside the bed, completely naked. Her hair still tied up in a ponytail and a few drops of water still glistening on her shoulders. "Come here." He demanded softly, reaching out to grab her hand and pull her down on top of him. "God I've missed you."

"I was always here." Kim slipped her hands under his shirt and lifted it over his head as he sat up and then set to work at helping discard the rest of his clothes. He didn't want to rush this though. Their sex could be frenzied and wild especially when it had been awhile yet he felt the need right now to let her know just how much this all really meant. Them together right now was everything he needed. It had to be a long slow burn and he wanted to show her that every piece of him was in this relationship.

Holding her hands above her head with one hand he used the other hand and his mouth to leave a trail of heat up and down her arms, her neck and chest. Kim moaned beneath him as he sucked and licked his way across her body. Letting her arms go he pressed his body against hers as she dug her nails into his back. "Look at me." He whispered with a desperation that surprised her and she opened her eyes. Those beautiful soulful brown eyes stared back at him, holding his gaze as they finally came together. "I am so in love with you."

"Adam." A small tear escaped the corner of her eye and he kissed it away. She gripped the back of his neck; fingers tangled in his hair and pulled him into a long slow kiss. Her free hand holding his tightly as they continued to move in sync, deep and slow, heat and sweat mingling.

Kim lay curled into his side, Adam's arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders. He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. "I really did miss you." His hand entwined with hers as it lay on his chest. "Let's not leave it so long next time." He could feel Kim smile against the bare skin of his chest.

She could hear his stomach growling and realised that she was hungry too and declared it was time to order in. Adam groaned and complained as she pushed him out of the bed and demanded he find them something to eat. He pulled on his jeans and disappeared into the kitchen, coming back with two beers and a pile of take out menus, eventually they settled on Italian.

Kim tucked the sheet up under her arms and propped herself up against the pillows. She took a long pull on her beer. "So you are going to Felicia's Memorial Service tomorrow?"

Adam knew that they would have to talk about it and he wanted to let her in. He had missed talking to her over the last few days. It had been strength of theirs to date, their ability to talk and share their work, to debrief. "You're right. I should go." He reached for her hand and started making small circles with his thumb.

"I think it might help."

"She was a good kid, she thought she was doing something good. For the future of the planet. She seemed to love the excitement of it all but she was still so young and idealistic."

"You liked her?"

"I did, It was hard not to. She was just happy and friendly and a nice kid." He looked at Kim who was staring at the bottle in her hand. "That was all it was. I thought she was a great kid and didn't deserve what happened to her."

"I'm glad she had you fighting for her." He leant in kissed her softly.

"Not as hard as I would have gone for you darlin'." Kim leant into his hand as it rested on her cheek, a quiet moment between them that said more than any words could at that point in time.

Kim pulled out a long jersey dress to wear while Adam answered the door and paid for their dinner. They sat on the lounge, the takeout containers on the small table and plates balanced on their laps.

"So Al spent a week smoking bongs?" Kim laughed as Adam recounted their various undercover assignments during the latest operation.

"He did and man he was loose." Adam replied as he took another swig of his beer. "And Jay was busy collecting buckets of shit. Funny stuff. Basically they were all pretty harmless." He paused "Well until it turned to murder, of course."

"How do you think Felicia would have taken it knowing you were an undercover cop?"

"Pretty pissed I'd imagine." Kim noticed something flit across his face, a brief moment. "She razzed me about not calling her. I think she thought we had something going on." He took a deep breath and waited for Kim's reaction. She said nothing, instead leaning forward and grabbing some more food for her plate.

"And did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Have something going on?"

"No." he answered instantly and honestly. "Nothing at all. Never even crossed my mind."

"Okay."

"Hey, babe." He waited until Kim looked at him. "My job was to get in with this group and make them think I was one of them. I did that, I went to the meetings, chatted to them all, had a few beers and that was it. Felicia was friendly, even a little flirty but I just let it roll off me. I am with you. I am in love with you. I have zero interest in any other woman and I particularly have no interest in girl I met as part of my undercover assignment."

"Good to know." Finally she smiled at him, putting her plate back on the table. "I don't like sharing." Turning to him she took the plate from his hands and quickly climbed onto his lap, her legs either side and kissed him hard.

They'd done the long slow session, now the raw passion that they had shared in the locker room re-surfaced. He kissed her back hard, one hand holding her neck firmly with the other gripping her hip and eventually worked down her leg to tug her dress up over her hips, he was not surprised that she was wearing no underwear. Actually he would have been more concerned if she was. Kim certainly embraced wearing as little as possible when she was at home, a surprisingly fact that he had discovered early and he had to admit, he liked it a lot.

Kim pulled back momentarily so she could lift his t-shirt over his head before going to work on the buttons of his jeans, didn't take long before he also had her dress added to his shirt on the floor. Lifting her hips he wiggled out of his jeans and she slid down on his lap hard and fast. Her hands tangled in his hair as his helped her hips keep up their frenetic pace. His face was buried in her chest "Oh god Adam" she cried as kept urging her on and only when she shuddered around him did he finally let go.

Not long after he crawled into bed, exhausted from the lack of sleep over the last few days and emotionally drained but comforted by the body that was pressed against his.


	13. Twister

"Nice bruise Ruzek." Jay took a second look as he waited for Ruzek to fill his coffee cup. Ruzek said nothing. His eye had darkened overnight and he was now sporting a nice little shiner. Jay tried to recall whether they had been involved in anything lately that would explain his black eye but they had been pretty quiet unfortunately.

He followed Ruzek out of the break room. "So you are not going to tell me how you got the shiner?"

"Nah man." Ruzek tried to blow him off by shrugging and taking his seat at his desk. They didn't give up though and all day they kept at him and he kept brushing them off. Eventually he relented. "I was playing Twister with my cousins kid. I lost." Well it wasn't' a complete lie. He was playing twister and he did lose. Burgess is a lot more flexible than he is.

Why on earth he agreed to play Twister with Burgess was beyond him. The woman did yoga and worked out hard; while he ran & lifted weights. It was always going to end badly for him but the idea of being tangled up with her won out. She had found it in the back of her cupboard when she was clearing out. Her niece had left it there months ago and since the liver transplant hadn't wanted it back. A couple of beers and Burgess challenged him to a game.

"Can we get naked?" he asked wiggling his eyes suggestively. Kim slapped his arm playfully. "Not everything needs to involve us getting naked."

Even if they had remained fully clothed they had fun and he couldn't recall the last time he had laughed so much. Even if it did usually end with him on his arse, they both had a competitive streak and Kim's celebrations got more enthusiastic the more beers they shared.

As they say, its all fun and games to someone loses an eye. Well at the very least until Adam lost his balance and smacked his head on her knee; hard. He grasped his face and rolled onto his back. "Oh God, Adam." Kim leapt up and pulled his hand away from his face, a red mark was already forming.

"It's okay." He was still lying on his back on the floor while Kim jumped up and grabbed an ice pack and towel from the kitchen.

"I hope it doesn't bruise." She placed the icepack on his eye; he winced at the sudden cold. Kim straddled him and suddenly started laughing. "I am glad you find my misfortune so amusing." He scolded before laughing himself. "How the hell am I going to explain this?"

Kim leant forward and moved the icepack before planting a soft kiss on the red mark. "Aw Baby." Adam grabbed her around the waist and flipped her over so she was lying flat on her back; he threw his leg over and reversed their position. She was still laughing uncontrollably, he grabbed both her hands and held them above her head with one hand. "You think this is funny?" he demanded with a huge smile on his face. He grabbed the ice pack with his free hand and started to slide it under her shirt until she squirmed and squealed much.

Kim begged him to stop and eventually he threw the ice pack away. She looked up at him with her big brown eyes and it made his heart beat a little faster. She was getting to him. He kissed her hard and fast and as was usual for them they went from nought to hundred in no time flat. Their clothes ended up on a pile on the floor. Kim jumped up and retrieved their condoms from her bedroom. She had mocked him when he came home with a huge box, but they were certainly doing their level best to get through them. "This is so much better than twister." Adam commented in between kisses. "And safer."

By the time the morning came around his eye was starting to show signs of a nice little bruise. Kim kissed it softly. "You are going to have a black eye."

"What am I going to tell everyone? We haven't even had an rough jobs lately." He groaned. He could just pretend it wasn't there and hope no-one commented. However that was unlikely.

Kim kissed him quickly and got out of bed. "Not my problem."

"Hey, not fair Babe." He tried to grab her arm as she scooted away to the bathroom. He rolled over and rested his arms behind his head. Looking at the clock they had a good hour before they had to leave. He would always leave about ten minutes before her and they would travel in separately to maintain their charade.

Hearing the shower start he jumped out of bed to put some coffee on to brew before joining her in the shower. While it was incredibly hard not to have a hot and heavy session every morning they resisted the temptation. Generally they then shared a cup of coffee and toast before Kim grabbed some yoghurt and a banana before she ran out the door. Adam cleared away the remanants of breakfast, dressed and headed out fifteen minutes later.

"Twister?" Antonio queried. "Is that the best you can do?"

"I swear to god I was playing twister and the little bugger had me bent this way and that. I ended up on my arse more than once." He pointed to his eye. "This was a side table."

He was glad they had discussed his story and what he was going to say because as soon as Burgess appeared upstairs later in the day Atwater immediately asked her what she had done on the weekend. Adam hadn't even turned around from his desk when she arrived. Burgess shrugged. "Not much, Yoga, dinner with my sister, housework."

Adam finished his signing his reports and stood up. "Hey Burgess, Roman." He greeted them.

"Looks like your weekend was more interesting." She commented, keeping her face completely neutral.

"Kids and Twister don't mix." He picked up his reports and took them into Sgt Voight to sign off. They were briefed on tomorrow's planned raid, for which they needed the help of Patrol hence why Roman and Burgess had been called up.

"I thought Twister was great fun, definitely should be added to the must do again list." She teased him a little later when they were at home.

"Only if we play naked."

"And what are the rules of Naked Twister?"

"Everytime I lose, you take something off."

Kim laughed, her eyes twinkling happily. "I'd be naked in less than five minutes."

Adam bought her a glass of wine and grabbed a beer for himself. Kim rested her feet in his lap and leant back against the back of the sofa. "Actually I think we should invoke a naked policy at least four nights a week."

"Which would mean what?"

'No clothes."

Sipping on her wine she pretended to contemplate his suggestion. "Hmm.' Cocking her head to the side she smiled. "Nice idea but cooking could be dangerous, I have seen you in the kitchen, you'd get things snagged or dangle bits in my dinner."

"You like my dangly bits." He teased; winking.

"Not in my dinner."

He raised his beer in acknowledgement and admitted she had a fair point. "Speaking of my dangly bits, they are keen to spend some time with your girly bits."

"Well that would have to be the most unromantic description of sex I have every heard."


End file.
